what up with mike

Uganda

2012-02-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

Hello, from Northern California!
I’m a junior here at Simpson University. I am from Sequim, Washington launching out to pursue my dreams. I’m happy to inform you that I’m doing very well in college. I’m getting my degree in Cross-Cultural Studies and Business. I am also highly involved in campus life. I just got elected as class president, I am a senator for student government right now, and I’m head of Athletic Spiritual Formation on campus. As I have reached my goals and gotten all A’s this year, I am excited about going into my last year of undergrad.
Before I enter my senior year and graduate, I have to complete a Cross-Cultural Internship for my degree. I made contact with an organization called Water and Stone in Uganda, Africa. They have a school that is called God Is Good Preparatory School (GGPS). Here’s the website: http://waterandstone.org/?page_id=18. I am excited about working alongside this organization because there are many community development projects I will be involved in to help this school become self-sustainable. Some of the projects I will be helping to developing are clean water projects, building development, and taxi services. I will spend six weeks this summer in Uganda serving with this organization.
I ask you to think about supporting me in this internship. Prayer is always needed. This is the final trip for me to get my degree at Simpson University. I need to raise $3,000. A large part of that I will earn, but I’m going to need help. I thank you for all your thoughts and prayers as I continue to grow in my leadership abilities. If you would like to make a tax deductible donation to support my Uganda trip, please send a check. Make the check out to the “Vineyard City Church” and write “Uganda” in the memo.
Michael Silliman
2211 College View Dr. Redding, CA 96003
Cell Phone: 530-941-5200
Internship Blog: http://waterandstoneintern.blogspot.com

Up Hill

2012-01-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

It seems that everyone of the generation before me has a story of their hard times. The story of walking to school in the snow up hill both ways. But the moral of the story is always the same. The first point of their story is that you are not alone in your feelings of aloneness. Second, the only thing that is valuable is hard work. Tell a man in his sixties that you're working your way through college and he will light up life a five year old seeing fireworks for the first time. And the last point I pull from their stories of up hill 15 mile walks is that there is hope. Of course they tell me these stories of hard times while sitting in their nice house with two cars out front. As they mute their 46 inch TV they tell me that they were once alone, cold, without food (or whatever their chase may be) and that with enough hard work they made it out of those dark times and into opportunities. There are lessons I can learn from the generational stories that go before me. In many ways I can tell them my own story of hard times. Just this last summer I lived on $15 a week. I'm a junior in college right now and can't even pay for my textbooks so I'm going without. Sometimes, in the really low moments of life, I wonder if they're right about hard work. Does it really pay off? and how long does it take? Tonight I remind myself to learn from those that have gone before me. I remind myself to keep working hard and have hope. I pray and believe in the promise Isaiah once told of "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." As 2012 begins many our in a similar place as myself. I am much better off than a lot of others. So I pray for them. I pray that my generation, like the one before us, may find a way out of these hard months. Let's learn from those that have gone before us. Let's work hard and remember that the Lord is with us.

Peru Team Leader

2011-12-19T15:01:00.000-08:00

At Simpson University, we are sending out over a hundred students through our World-Serve program to serve different cultures and communities around the world. I have been selected as a Leader for this program. I am leading a team through cultural training and a trip to Peru, South America. The process is well underway. I have interviewed and helped pick out my team. I have been training and making contacts for months now. This is a amazing opportunity for me. This is indeed something I can put on a resume someday. I started out as an 18 year old looking to find adventure and meaning in missions. I have now traveled all the way around the world and stepped into leadership roles. I was once looking to be lead, and now I'm the one doing the leading. I am looking forward to growing in my leadership skills and helping others serve the people of Peru and show the love of my Lord. On this trip my team will have awesome opportunities to grow and leave behind a lasting impact. We will serve through a organization called Inca Link International. You can see their website here: http://www.incalink.net/inca_link_international/welcome.html This organization is trying to reach the children of South America. We will help that process in North Peru where children are living in garbage dumps without basic human rights. We will be building a Children home/orphanage as well focusing on many other children ministries. This will be a Spring to remember for all of us. We will see levels of poverty we have never experienced before. I ask for your thoughts and prayers as my team prepares for this trip of a lifetime. We you feel lead to support me and my team you can do so here: https://sna.etapestry.com/fundraiser/SimpsonU/PER12/individual.do?participationRef=909.0.594696254

Thank You
God Bless

Michael Silliman
World-Serve Team Leader

Ride of Initiation

2011-12-08T21:30:00.001-08:00

I'm interested in the ideas surrounding baptism. It was defined my theology class at Simpson University as a rite of initiation, washing, and relation to salvation. If we agree with this starting definition, I think we soon run into problems within the way baptism is done in the evangelical world. As for me and my church experiences, baptism means only one of those three, washing. If there is anything that is a rite of initiation in evangelical theology, it is acting like you fit in. If someone questions too much or is too far from the norms of the church's social order, that is the only time they are not welcomed to take part in every part of church life. There is no clear line of who's in and who's out. It is left up to the judgments of the majority and the perseverance of the individual. Many evangelicals have tried to kick people out of the "evangelical" world. John Piper's tweet towards Rob Bell is a perfect example. But the issue is no one has the right or the power to make anyone stop calling themselves a Christian or Evangelical anymore. Therefore, Christianity holds the widest range of beliefs of any religion in the world. The strong traditional "evangelicals" are left trying to fight for the definition of their own title while Rob Bell, and even myself, refuse to leave the title of "evangelical." There's is no rite of initiation anymore, so everyone that wants, belongs, unless we force them out. Baptism is a sign of washing our sins away, but there's no accountability that the action means anything. Like my teacher pointed out, Baptism is not even done in public anymore, only a few believers share the experience. As far as the relation to salvation, we clearly understand that Baptism is not the sign of salvation. People can be saved outside of Baptism because God can save whoever he wants. That’s the truth we keep coming back to; God can save anyone he wants. So the only question about who’s in and who’s out that really matters is who does God want? Many within traditional evangelical have stopped calling themselves “Christians” because they no longer own that title instead they say they say they have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. However, that seems to say that God is not in relationship with everyone, not in relationship to all of creation. Hmm, I wonder. The lines around our religion don’t seem so clear anymore. Could there be a gray line?

Evangical Childhood

2011-11-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

Parents were pulled out of the small dirty room, mothers crying. We children sat on the floor wondering what was going to happen next. The older siblings either looked serious, eager to be apart and important, or they looked like they were about to laugh. I could hear one of the fathers, I’m not sure which, screaming from the what would be beating. I can remember being scared as men came into the room wearying Muslim looking outfits and screaming at us children to hand over our bibles. We heard rumors that our fathers were being killed down the hall by the bathroom. Our mothers, still crying, reached for us but were pushed back by more of those Muslim looking dudes. One by one, they pulled the kids from the room. My friend Isaac went first; we could hear him yell, loud enough for the parents to be proud, “No I will never denounce my faith in Jesus Christ.” Next up was one of the younger girls; she was so scared that one of the mothers went with her. One by one I saw my situational friends pulled from the room. I saw mothers kicked crying to the floor. I heard the men talking down the hall. I knew I would be next. Right when it was my turn to stand for my Christian faith and die, the men took off the Muslim looking outfits, the fathers came back into the room with stern looks on their faces, and woman stood up and bushed off their dresses. They said it was practice. They said that’s what most Christians in the world have to deal with, and they wanted to prepare us. I was confused, but I remember thinking Muslims were horrible and the missionaries were heroes. I also remember living in fear of the government. The older men, normally the more unhappy men in the home-church, would update everyone on a new law or politician that was going to change the way we worshiped and force us to go “underground.” This all happened on a Sunday morning at a small Evangelical home-church in Washington State. This was my childhood.

Univeralist?

2011-11-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

In recent days, I have been called a Universalist. This title is something most young Evangelicals run away from. I would like to make a short statement that will help anyone of interest understand me. To make my point clear (because I don't want to be misrepresented), I do believe Jesus the living Word is the only way to life! However, I agree with Rob Bell that the living Word shows up in many life giving forms. I am willing to challenge all lines that have been made that limit this Life (Salvation) to anyone, including the line of death. I believe Jesus came for the whole world as the second Adam. The first Adam brings sin and shame into the world, and the second Adam (who is more powerful because He's God) came to undo death and take sin out of the world (1 Corinthians 15:20-28). Read that passage! I'm not fully okay with embracing Universalism because I still have to leave room for those that want nothing to do with what is Good or Right. I pray for their hearts and never make damnation claims. I have to always uphold the free will of humanity, therefore, I still believe in a living hell, but I choose to focus on the hope that comes through our God. The world is a mess. There's lack of balance to this beautiful creation, but as Psalms 27:13 says, "in this I still believe, that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." (that's the tattoo I have on me leg). May our focus be clear and may all see the goodness of God.

Atonement

2011-11-11T22:36:00.001-08:00

While I understand that there is no official creed defining the point of the atonement, the atonement is very important. What you believe about Jesus says a lot about who you think God is. Even within the three classic views my prophesier Dr. Slane summed up for me in class today, there is a huge difference in the view of God. The Christus Victor theory created by Irenaeus focuses on an enemy, or three of them. Jesus is shown as a savior from evil. Satisfaction theory created by Anseim of Canterbury says God needs a payment from humanity. He is unsatisfied with humans and offerings, and so He fulfills His own needs through Jesus. So I ask you what kind of god is that. I think most of us like what the Moral Influence theory lead by Peter Abelard said but find it lacking in the meaning of the Cross. Jesus came because of Love (John 3:16), but not only as an example but also as a game changer. I would like to suggest that, as Evangelicals, we better define our theology of atonement and therefore our God. If you our anything like me, you did not feel satisfied by any of the three views. I would like to form and promote a mixture between the Christus Victor and Moral Influence theories. We need a theory or creed that seeks to understand and define just what Jesus was doing up on that cross. That moment changed history. I would like to suggest that God was reversing the order of the kingdoms of this world. Jesus took on death and humility and that is why he sits at the right hand of God. For he who is last will be first. Jesus was the first to show the way that the new Kingdom is run. He came to beat death and sin. A working definition of sin here is the systems of this world that lead to destruction. Jesus also came to show love in its most real form. He came to set an example and be an influence. For now we are to be Christ-like. Christ followers in love, in humility, and in victory.

The Luther of Guilt and Shame

2011-11-06T17:13:00.000-08:00

The life of Luther will be my focus today. Martin Luther who lived from 1483 to 1546 changed the church, the West, and the world. Many know him as just the reformer. The guy that wrote a thesis and nailed it to the door of the Catholic church. Maybe some people have heard something like, "here I stand, I can do no other." Christians and those that know something of the history of the church may know a bit more. The thesis was 95 pages, Luther challenged the Catholic understanding of salvation, or that he translated the bible into German. Many have indeed heard of his many books such as Bondage of the Will. But has the Church who claims to be the ancestors of Luther understood Martin Luther's heart? Have they reached the same desire for freedom of the bondage of their will? Have they fully understand what he did and where he came from? and most importantly, do we understand the need for grace. I personally fight the desires oh my body daily. I find myself crying before God because I do not understand his will. Why is there this thorn in my side? How can my nature desire something that is so wrong if God created me in his image? These questions keep me up at night. I wish we all could stop putting on fake happy faces and get real. We are broken people and I'm a Christian because I want to face my brokenness. I like Luther, not because of his theology but because he was real. He could not find righteousness. He was also losing sleep because of guilt and shame. He hated himself and hated God as he fought to find righteousness in the process of the Church. It was a long journey to find peace and freedom. Not a little prayer following a simple four step gospel, but a life of suffering and struggling lead to the freedom that Luther and I have found. I like Martin Luther because he was human.

Uganda Internship being Confirmed

2011-10-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

I have a huge meeting on Monday 10-31-2011 with the board of Water and Stone a non-profit in Uganda. This meeting should be the final step in becoming the organizations first intern. This meeting should be confirmation from the organization to me that I will be spending next summer in Uganda doing research and promoting community development. I've started a blog just for this Summer 2012 Internship. Go to http://waterandstoneintern.blogspot.com/ for more information.

A New Dream

2011-10-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

My mind has been moving a thousand miles a minute these last two weeks. I have a new idea, and I'm a guy that runs on the new ideas. I'm getting exited and passionate and can't stop thinking. With a young man's passion there also needs to come wisdom and education. I have learned this the hard way. Many of my ideas have not gone anywhere. They are still ideas in my head, but I just don't have the knowledge to make them a reality yet. Hovercrafts, magnet run engines, running for president, starting huge non-profits, and being an underwear model are all cool ideas that get me going. However, I am learning that it takes a lot more than a good idea to change the world. We need to have knowledge and know the right people. With this new understanding of what it takes, I have taken a second look at what I do have. What do I have to work with and let's see what I can come up with. Ideas started racing as I talked to a business man a few weeks ago. He invited me to a entrepreneur boot-camp that he is a business coach at. This camp is held right here at my University once a year. The top business men in Shasta County are there helping new small businesses create their business plans. Could this be the key to making an idea a reality? I have been thinking like crazy over the last few weeks. I have always wanted to start something. I have always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Matter of fact, I'm signing up to be in an entrepreneurship class next semester along with a business as mission class. These will also give me knowledge. When passion in a young man gains knowledge, watch out. So there it is. I'm young and still have a lot to learn, but I'm officially researching and planning to start my own business. I am a athlete with a love for young athletes. I'm a teacher and a leader. Organization skills are growing by the day within me as I take business and leadership classes. I can't think of one good reason why not to just go for it. Could I, in my young twenties, create a successful Gym? What would it take to build up a business like that right here in Redding California? I have a lot of resources. I know key people within the business and athletic communities. Maybe I could start a small gym while working on my masters in Education. Maybe it is just a dream, but maybe I have what it takes to make this dream a reality. So far, it's looking really good. It can't hurt to start the research process. I've already started seeking business teachers advice on this matter. I have some time, so I'm going to go slow and do my research. If I'm going to be a business man, I'm going to do it right. I'm going to have a mission statement set ahead of time, and no matter what I do, it will help me in future plans. I'm not looking for a career here, just a starting point.

I hope this inspires someone to just go for it and do something out of their comfort zone or reaches someones hears that could help me in some way. I'm always open to friendly advice.

Michael Silliman

Where is His Image?

2011-10-22T16:36:00.000-07:00

Today I would like to talk about the Image of God or being in His "likeness." This is a debate that was been going on for a very long time. Everyone from Inenaeus to Martin Luther has their theories on what it means to be within the image of God Himself. So we are in the Image of God. Everyone agrees on that within Christianity. But where is that image? Clearly there is something special about human beings. We are at the top of the food chain, we are the final part of creation. It was after us that God rested in the Genesis story. But, what makes us special, different, or better than anything else? Half of what is going on here in the efforts to find the image of God within humanity is trying to justify our own existence. If I know anything about humans it’s that we’re very worried that we’re not good enough, so we are better than everything else, but we’re not sure how. And as Martin Luther points out, we’re in the image and likeness of God, but clearly there is a problem with this part of Creation. We call this problem sin. We’re at the top of creation, but somehow that puts us at bottom. No wonder there is a million theories on the “fall” of humanity. Dr. Slane reminded me of a quote the other day that goes something like this, “if we fully deny evolution all together, we may be missing out on what it means to be from nature, from dust.” I think an important key in the study of humanity is not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought.

Strength to Love

2011-10-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Chapter Four in Strength to Love which is a summery of Martin Luther King Jr’s speeches is from the sermon Love in Action. It starts with the passage from the Gospel of Luke 23. This is Jesus’s cry to God the father, “Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” King says that this is love at its best. I wonder about this. If that’s the ultimate love, what does that look like in my life? Jesus was asking God to forgive those people that were wronging him. The people that were wronging God. King calls this “when man had stooped to his worst” (39). Some guys at my church have started saying this little saying: “read the page, do the page.” Hearing that little line over and over again has made me start thinking and reading the bible differently. What do I do with this page of the bible? Surely I can’t die that kind of death, but maybe I can love to that extent? Maybe next time I get wronged, I can remember to say “Father forgive them, for they don’t understand.” Maybe when my potential is limited because of the mistakes of others, I can find the grace to forgive. See it’s all about learning to apply what you read to your life. One thing I know for sure is that I will never be wronged they way Jesus was. He, a perfect man, was getting put up on a cross to die when he offered free forgiveness to those who had not even asked for it. May we all learn to love like that. May we all deal with agony in this Way. Jesus did not say “open up the flood gates of justice” like so many of our songs do. Jesus did not say “Father, get even with them” even though that is our natural response.

September 2011 Update.

2011-09-25T14:31:00.000-07:00

School is well under way here in Northern California. I have settled in nicely now after changing rooms two times. I have a dorm room to myself with a very nice view. I wake up to the sunrise coming over the trees outside my third floor window every morning. on the wall, I have a huge map along with a few pictures of my brothers and girlfriend. My room is quite but my life is not. Along with five classes, I have taken on student body government senator, head of athletic spiritual formation, and college basketball positions. Though I continue to struggle to pay for my education, I have flourished here in college. Classes are enjoyable for me, and my grades show it. Leadership positions keep coming. While school is great, I'm also very future focused. I'm building my resume daily. I'm now starting to work with organizations that may lead to huge opportunities, among these are Non-Governmental Organizations like Water and Stone in Uganda, Inca Link International in Peru, and The Christian and Missionary Alliance. I started with a desire to impact peoples lives and worked through education and notable organizations to reach my goals. I'm happy. As I capture snap shots of what the future could be, I have to tell you how beautiful it is. Please stay in touch as well as you can. I know I'm far away and experiencing things far away from your daily lives, but understand that you guys are family to me. As I continue to walk out this life of faith and service, please pray for me.

Your
Michael A Silliman

Education part (2)

2011-08-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

I would like to take a minute and answer the most popular question for college students: why that degree? For myself, that's not a simple question and neither is the answer. First, we must understand that there is a difference between getting an education and getting job training. Accounting, youth ministry, nursing, agriculture, and welding degrees are for career minded people. These are wonderful jobs that I'm sure can lead to meaningful lifestyles. However, I'm not one of these people, and Cross-Cultural Studies is not one of those degrees. I'm a student of higher education. A student of the Arts. Which is the ability to think, to be creative, to communicate. I personally enjoy the Free Dictionaries definition of the arts, "imaginative, creative, and nonscientific branches of knowledge considered collectively, esp. as studied academically." I heard a fellow student the other day say, "Yeah, it's not a very good degree because the real world can't see any use for it." If the real world is those that view getting a job as the highest priority, my fellow student would be right. Don't get a degree in the Humanities if you just want a job. Education, true education, is about learning to think and communicate. Now back to why I'm getting this degree, It was in Asia that I made up my mind that I wanted to understand people. I fell in love with far away cultures and started to enjoy history and politics. In my first year of real college I had an Anthropology class with the most out spoken atheist I have ever met as the teacher. While he was dogmatic in his depressing worldview, he sparked life into my brain. He challenged me and showed me the value of scientific study of the origin, the behavior, and the physical, social, and cultural development of humans. Basically, that teacher opened my mind to ways of study unknown to me before. I believed that understanding the world better would lead to better communication and therefore better outreach. The Gospel of Jesus was once explained to me as a bridge between God and humanity. I want to be Jesus to the world. I desire to be the bridge to the caps between people, cultures, churches, geographical locations, class systems, and governments. That mission's success is based on education. Based on the ability to understand myself and then others. I had a dream last night. Maybe it was a nightmare (I'm not sure what the definition is between the two). When I woke up, the goal was to try and understand myself not the dream. If I want to reach people and shape the next generation, I better be able to first change myself. It is difficult to reach out to people if I cannot understand their ways of life. As a student in the cross-cultural studies program I have the opportunity to develop skills in understanding others. I develop a broad understanding of cultural anthropology, cross-cultural communication, religions, language acquisition, and theology. This is why I'm a student. This is why I study culture. Many think that we are learning about how to reach people in Africa, but I'm also worried about the caps we have right here now. There is a high homeless population downtown, and the athletes on campus don't feel welcomed or understood. If it is our future to bridge caps, shouldn't we start here right now?

Food for thought. I would enjoy hearing your thoughts. Please comment.

Education part (1)

2011-08-14T02:35:00.001-07:00

My educational goals are to finish my Bachelors of Arts degree in Cross Cultural Studies and Business at Simpson University and to continue on to get my Masters of Arts in Education at another University. I desire to teach the fourth or five grade. I like this age because I have worked with children at this point in their lives before, and I found that this is a huge turning point in a child’s life. I want to impact this world through education of the next generation. I am planning on coaching basketball. I am a college athlete right now, and I know from personal experience that sports are yet another way to reach children and impact their lives forever. Education will unlock more openings in my future in athletics. Education is the key that has unlocked so many possibilities for me. I have not always had good schooling. I grew up in educational poverty. I did not learn to read until I was fifteen years of age and now I’m a twenty-one year old junior who’s on the Dean’s list at a University. I value education and want everyone to have the same chance at higher education that I now have. Therefore, I also want to start and run international non-profits such as schools, orphanages, and business promotion organizations. Education changed, and is still changing, my life.

The Quest

2011-08-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

Sillyman Sillyman Sillyman
Coming at you from the Northwest
Where I’m on a quest
Unlike the rest
Who are just here to impress
See, I’m here to pass a test.

A boy working a man’s job
Dreams as big as the glob
A workaholic for a father
The son of a true blue collar
A workaholic for a father
The son of a true blue collar

Worked his way from the bottom to the top
He’s never gonna stop
He walked through these doors
They laughed at him, pushed to the floor
Back for some more
More respect than ever before

Sillyman Sillyman Sillyman
Coming at you from the Northwest
Where I’m on a quest
Unlike the rest
Who are just here to impress
See, I’m here to pass a test.

The sun has made him tan
He has calluses on the hand
First generation
Changing direction
Seeking an education

Worked like a slave
Earned respect in the driveway
No one knew his name
No 15 minutes of fame
Always up by 6 AM
time for the final exam

Sillyman Sillyman Sillyman
Coming at you from the Northwest
Where I’m on a quest
Unlike the rest
Who are just here to impress
See, I’m here to pass a test.

Hope

2011-07-31T08:24:00.001-07:00

I have been reading this book call the End of Poverty. It has reminded my of my own belief, philosophy, theology. The foundational idea to my whole world is nothing else but hope.
I grew up with a Father who told stories. The most common of these stories was his own. A story about a hard childhood without a father. A story about a coldness inside. He had been Stone Face. On long winter nights when there was no work or in the summer between jobs, my Dad would tell of his days as the biggest drug dealer in California in the 60s. Even is his darkest hour people believed in him, and in the end his story would come around. As long as I can remember, my Father has been claiming that he felt Jesus in an intense life changing moment. He tells of changing his life and then getting involved in young movements of Evangelical Christianity. It's his testimony, his philosophy, his story. His story of hope and change and god.
Something about me was developed in those story times. I too have a story now that I tell. Everything I have gone through never changed my basic outlook of hope. I always believed there was going to be a happy ending. As I traveled to Cambodia and saw children with food, or clothes, or arms; I did not focus on their condition as my mind naturally turned to the future and the hope that State has. Everywhere I go, I see the good in people. I see the potential in the huge picture. I may not be able to safe everyone from their horrible sicknesses, but I can offer them love. I can still hope for the next generation.
This hope is world wide, global, foundational. I have tattooed it to my body, I have acted it out in real hard times, I believe it in my mind, and I feel it in my soul. It is theological. my religion and view of Christianity starts and ends here. Humans were created in the image of my God and therefore are beautiful and wonderfully made. "In this I still believe, that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" - Psalms 27:13. Outside of my religion, this outlook still holds true. To be honest, my view and relationship with my God also starts and ends here. This is my philosophy. My worldview before anything has always been that of hope. Nothing will change this. This belief is one of those things I stand for and would die for and will die believing.

A World Eagerly Waits

2011-07-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

A world eagerly waits
A man rides into a new town. He’s after the most beautiful woman there. She’s a woman indeed with her summer dress and long blond hair. She’s a woman worthy of being a queen because of those that stand behind her. Boys eager to protect her, girls smiling at the romance, a sister that sees everything, a caring mother, and a father fearing losing his daughter await this young man. A true woman does not stand alone, but is respected and loved by all. Through the eyes of those around you, I see your heart for the first time.
This community (that this angel of a woman comes from) is a fortress. They own her heart, and any man of honor will have to win them over as well. There’s a few not honorable ways to be with such a woman. One could sneak in around the walls and in the back door, or one could try talking the woman into coming outside into the dark with him. However, there is only one honorable way to become a king, and that is a straight and narrow way to the huge front gate which is the woman’s heart. There is no other way to earn the respect of this Princess and her family.
They say it takes a good family to raise a child. That’s very true. To turn that child into a man or woman, it takes a whole community. In my high school graduation speech, I thanked my biological family. My parents, my sister, and my brothers. However, I also thanked the larger family. The church, the boys and girls club, and the coaches. I thanked them because I understood that I was not just leaving childhood but that it was a coming of age moment. I was finally seen as a man even though I had been working and acting like one for years. I had a huge support system behind me outside of my family. That is a thing to value indeed.
I have heard it said that when you marry a woman you also marry her family. I believe you will never know if that is indeed a woman until you see her family. Who are the people around you? Who holds your heart? Who laughs, cries, and rejoices with you? For, you are like the people in your fortress. You will become like those that you look up to.

Expain What You See in Me

2011-07-16T17:42:00.000-07:00

"I like that you feel alive. It is so important to be alive and to walk around awake. I think that you have confidence and are aware of your strengths and why you do well, but you are not arrogant. You have a heart to serve and a heart for people to walk in the fullness of who they are (restoring the beauty of man being created in the image of God).

I like that you enjoy pondering things and the fact that you take time to do it and ask questions shows that you are a hard worker. I think you have a good work ethic that will continue to grow. I love that you refuse to get stuck in a rut! :):) You are willing to change and grow and have a desire to do so. You are a learner.

While you see things that need to change and maybe what would make something function more effectively, you choose hope and believe that the love and beauty of God WILL be seen in all of the earth.

Your name means (Just because names are important)
Michael: Who is like God?
Aaron: Mountain of Strength; Light bearer
Silliman: Happy

Travelers

2011-06-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Traveling never goes as planned. The bus I'm on right now was hours late. I just found out the reason it was so late was because the bathroom had over flowed. Needless to say, this greyhound does not smell too good. It's never smooth going. Something always changes. This is why, go with the flow kind of people make better travelers. Part of the love I have for traveling is the lack of comfort. That's what makes the good stories. In Cambodia I got on a bus because a guy that i could not understand pointed at it and pushed me. I had no idea where I was going but I loved the thrill that comes from the unknown. I showed up in Germany once when I was trying to get to Spain. I was alone in Frankfurt and had no idea how I was going to get out of there. Traveling is crazy and can change people forever. Traveling leaves lots of time for thinking about life and where we fit into this world. traveling can be hard and it's always tiring. Dealing with hours of sitting, strange beds, jet lag, time changes, and culture shock is hard. When I get done with a trip, it always takes a few days for my body to heal. However, from the things I have seen I will never heal inside. I experienced children without mothers crying, I held dying babies, and I saw garbage dumps called home. I will never forget. I will always walk around with a burden on my back long as I know poverty is making fellow humans suffer. Those images are burned into my brain. I just dream of finding joy in helping people. I also desire to find others with the same kind of heart as me to come along side me in my vision. She's out there somewhere.

Hero

2011-06-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

We all have them. We all grew up looking up to someone. We dreamed of becoming them. In a way, we all wanted to be world changers when we were young. The common childhood dreams were to become pro athletes, movie stars, singers, firefighters, police officers, and super hero's. Before the reality that not everyone can be great sets in, everyone dreams of the big stage. We dreamed of having power, money, and beauty. More importantly, we dreamed of having influence. Having followers. Pastors and politicians and teachers were all looked up to. That's all we really wanted right. To be looked up to. To be respected for what we could do. We wanted influence. We wanted to be world changers.
Where have those dreams gone? It's a sad day when the little girl stops dreaming of being a queen. It's heartbreaking for many high school athletes to come to an understanding that they're just not good enough to play college sports. To watch guys around me hang up their shoes for the last time is like watching dreams die. most of them live in denial for the rest of their life. We leave the dreams behind and settle down. Life is busy and many things happen. I see free spirits around me having kids. The freedom of their spirit has already moved on. Others have relationships holding them back from their own desires. An old friend just told me this about her boyfriend, "he just seems content doing the day to day. I am not. I wanna have an impact!" Do the dreams ever really die or move on? Or will they always be apart of the old farmer? Sure the boy grows out of his toy guys, but does the spirit of what he desired die? I'm okay with growing up just not with the lack of following your heart. I have a friend in Seattle who's getting married this summer to her childhood sweetheart. Really cute story so far. I just pray that her story is not over now. This, I guess, is a fine line to draw between wanting people to follow their own hearts and being judgmental. I'm not trying to be over passionate. I see the possibilities of individuals. Yeah get married, have beautiful babies, and get that perfect job. Just don't stop being you. Don't stop dreaming of being a world changer.
There's a million different ways to live life while never losing sight of those dreams. I have a friend back home that's married to Joe Blow. She however spends every minute of the day trying to make that small town a better place. After school programs and handing out food to the needy. She does not go to church because instead she's under the highway handing out free clothing to the homeless. That humble soul is a world changer. My own family works as an example to prove that it is possible to have a realistic lifestyle that's also worth respect. My oldest brother Daniel has a cute life in Europe with his wife Beth. Beth works a college ministry while my brother is studying and teaching. Both are working with college students and challenging them to open their souls and minds. I know this because that's what they did to me. My sister Valerie is living a healthy lifestyle while seeking a future in social work. Mainly she has worked with homeless and low income people. She is both serving and educating herself. It's nice for me because my hero has always been my big sister. My brother David has always desired to be respected. While I always tried to disrespect him, David has truly become a man worth looking up to. David was always the hands on, can't sit still, I'll kick your ass kind of guy. However, those kind of people can live for something bigger and so can you. He's now well on his way to becoming a firefighter in Washington. He's going to make a create father. Life is beautiful and full of opportunities to impact those around you. Be creative and make it your own. You can do anything. You can go to school and travel at the same time. You can be an athlete and be an honor role student. I know because I have done those things. You can make a career out of helping people. You can be 50 years old and still go serve in an orphanage. Yes, life is full of opportunities and second chances. Life is about learning to be realistic and have an impact at the same time.
I desire to be a real life hero. I'm never going to let my dreams die. I'm just going to shape them and form them into reality. As my brother David reminded me the other day, my mom always said "shoot for the stars and if you miss you'll at least make it to the moon." I believed that. That's why I'm not setting a limit to how far I can make it. I am confident that I will change the world. That I will be a leader for something huge. I'm proud to say I see the next step of my future. While there's a millions ways to change the world, it has become clear to me where I fit in. It is arguably the best way to change the future. I'm going to work with kids. I have now made up my mind to become a school teacher. I'm going to go back to school and get my masters of arts in teaching. I want to be a role model for the next generation. I want to inspire young people to hold their heads high and challenge them to become strong in who they are. Being a teacher will give me the opportunities to reach into the future. Once I'm a teacher I will continue to seek education for myself at higher levels. Being a teacher will open doors to do some of the things I have always desired to do. Including becoming a basketball coach. I will also have a perfect chance to get involved in small town politics and overall community development. School teachers also get 15 weeks off each year which will allow me to work with the international non profits that are having huge impact in wars zones, natural disaster areas, and third world countries. It fits. It is all coming together. All my dreams and passion coming to life. You all are my wideness's.

Michael Silliman

Destined and Dedication

2011-05-24T22:17:00.000-07:00

Growing up in a sheltered home, for me, meant a lack of knowledge about how the world worked. As I entered the high school setting, I was clueless. I had never watched TV shows or movies that teach teens how to act like teens. Pop culture, I did not know the first thing about. Therefore, I was alienated among my classmates, teammates, and friends. Being on the outside looking in became normal for me. I did not understand the jokes nor the cultural behavior. The outsider mindset became part of who I was and in many ways defines how I became who I am today. I thought of myself as different. At times, I thought of myself as better. I was able to see the smallness of the things my culture marked as valuable. Feeling alienated from being small minded should have been a good thing. The loneliness was unbearable however. As I started to see how pointless the acceptance of those around me was, I started to form big ideas in my head. I did not think of myself as not good enough to fit in. Instead, I knew for a fact, in my own mind, that I was bigger than those that disliked me. I thought of myself as a super hero that had all the citizens hunting him down. I was a world changer. I would show them someday I told myself. I was like Jesus, being persecuted by the ones I came to save. From a rather young age, I believed something out of this world was happening to me.
While I thought i was great, I had a really hard time dealing with trying to be cool. The pressure got to me. I did not fit in and that hurt. Now that I look back on it, most every kid feels left out or weird at that age. I didn't even feel at home in my own body. The lack of acceptance drove me into depression. The nightmares and the poems and the dark music. I changed my heir about ten times and would wear cloths in order to try to fit in. I hear people talk about these seasons in a young persons life as "finding yourself." However, it was less about finding my individuality and more about trying to become the same as everyone else. What I was trying to do failed. The more I sought after being cool the more I alienated myself. The styles came and went, but the depression is something I dealt with for years. I was unable to sleep. Sometimes, to my sisters horror, I would not eat. Food felt like sand in my mouth. From lack of sleep, I started going crazy. In the middle of the night I would wake up. Sweat dripping into the tears, I would go for long walks. Nights became my biggest fear. Not because of the dark but because of how alone I felt. One night, December 19th, (the same date as other horrifying happenings for me) I walked out onto a bridge at about two in the morning. The bridge ran over highway 101. With the rain, the street below looked far away. tears still running, I jumped into oncoming traffic 40 feet below. Next thing I knew, I was standing on my feet looking into a headlight of an 18 wheeler that had stopped inches away from my face. The semi driver was yelling at me. I ran away. I ran and ran. Still crying, finally I fell down. Yet again, I had failed.
I remember being mad at God. He would not let me die. Rather mean of Him I thought. It was my senior year of high school and the depression was at its worst. I prayed, I cried, and I believed. While in the mist of asking "why me" (the saddest question I can think of), I started to believe that there was a reason. A purpose for what I was going through. Why else. I believed I had a destiny. This future of mine was not really about me. from that moment on, I started to think I was going to change the world. See the last thing I really cared about at that point was myself; therefore, believing that I was going to serve others was easy. I did not care if it was hard or uncomfortable. My motivation was not to make it to heaven or to make my Father proud. I was simply living out what I was created to do.

Now, there is a big difference between believing you're a world changing kind of guy and actually setting your mind to doing something. To have the kind of impact I knew I would takes dedication. I changed. There in the end of my senior year I got off my butt and started. I had lost the right to drive in the State of Washington, so I walked around town looking for jobs. I found three. I left living in my car behind and moved back home. I worked 80 hours a week for 7 months. I saved thousands of dollars. Meanwhile, I started looking for opportunities to get out of Washington. Out of America. I wanted to serve. I wanted to be apart of something bigger. I left Washington September 11th 2008 for unknown locations. I had joined the second larges mission organization in the world. I traveled for my first year of college. I saw crazy things and took part in something huge. However, it was not big enough for me. While in a hut in East Cambodia, I made up my mind. I was going to college. I was going to work my way threw at least the first two years dept free. I had always dreamed about changing the world. I had always thought of being on the biggest stage. But, It was in Cambodia that I understood what it was going to take to get there. Oh just being American gave me huge tools to help people. But I was too small to really change the fate of the thousands of starving people I saw. I looked into the face of a child dying in my arms, and I knew I would do whatever it took to be able to give little girls like that an opportunity. I become dedicated to education, human rights, and world serves.

The Lifestyle of Work

2011-05-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

Oh summer time is the best time of year. A time for road trips, sleeping in, backpacking, beaches, pools, tans, flings, summer houses, 4th of July, Disneyland, and BBQ's. These are the things people think about when they think of summer. Images of swimming suits flash before their brains. Enjoyment with old friends. Oh the summer time always goes so fast.
However, that's not what everyone will remember from this summer. A few, Simpson students, stayed behind. Some stayed cause they simply had no other options. Even more stayed behind to work their summer away. There's a few people staying around their school to do internships or volunteer work, but most everyone staying on campus this time of year are trying to work their way through school. Rather poor individuals from all backgrounds. They don't have parents or they are not in good standing with the families they do have. Maybe from poorer parts of the bay area or LA. It's a random group of people. Maybe the most races I have ever lived with at one time.
For me, this summer will mainly be working. Working a full time job, taking online classes, and working out for basketball will be what I remember of my summers during college. What do you remember of the summer when you were 21 years old? What's the thing you spent the most time on. Do you remember the girl or the trip? Or are you like me that will remember working long hours in 100 degree weather?
Work, my life, is good though. I really do like the hours I work. Starting at 7 in the morning is nice because it means I get off work by 3:30. Which leaves enough time to enjoy the sun or go for a run. It also leaves me nights open for the reading that I'm doing or social life. It's not much of a social life, a few friends here and there.

High School Poems

2011-05-16T16:09:00.000-07:00

I don't smile I don't frown
I don't look around
Sometimes I don't care
I walk around downtown without a clue what's around
I don't care what people think so I put on a black hat and tell people my name is Matt
I go into depression. My friends tell me "everything is going to be okay"
but this time it's not going away.
When I'm in this mood my friends walk around me
and my family knows not to hound me.

I saw a man die
I'm talking my friend out of suicide.
I have a vision
This is my decision
for Christ has risen
and this is my mission
for life isn't worth living without giving
I see that now, I just don't know how
to create a pressure at a different messier

I think you should
I wish you would
Tell me what the hell is going on
Is it demons attacking?
Is it me imagining?
I can't sleep
The pain runs too deep
Tell me what the hell is going on

Hidden Away

2011-05-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

I once knew a girl
No, I once knew a woman
She had pretty hair, sometimes curled
I was once so close I had her in my hands

Late nights behind closed schools, oh what good long talks
We, me and you, were in a moment of young passion
I shared my deep thoughts when at my heart she knocked
Life stories lead to free running emotion

I once knew a girl
No, I once knew a woman
She had pretty hair, sometimes curled
I was once so close I had her in my hands

Hearts pounding behind closed doors
I entered her house and her walls came down
Passion in its pure form in the middle of downpours
I fell for a girl even though it made me look like a clown

I once knew a girl
No, I once knew a woman
She had pretty hair, sometimes curled
I was once so close I had her in my hands

As the party went on
Lights’ flashing from the city’s finest
Behind locked doors we went at it till the dawn
I fell in love as the sun came up before breakfast

I once knew a girl
No, I once knew a woman
She had pretty hair, sometimes curled
I was once so close I had her in my hands

She became my closes friend and family
But love is not only a feeling within the heart after all
Oh the foundational things, we never did agree
So our free-fall of love has finally stalled

I once knew a girl
Totally hidden behind walls and unseen
Smart, beautiful, young at heart cowgirl
She’s not my soul mate, but someday I hope to know another queen

Update Letter

2011-05-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

Hello loved ones, I’m writing to you from an empty dorm building here at Simpson University. The school year has just ended, and everyone has moved out. There are only a few people left on campus. Most of them are working summer jobs here on campus or taking summer classes. I will be doing both.
This school year went by very fast. I can’t believe summer is already here. Fall semesters are always better than the spring semesters for me. I always get burnt out time the end of the year rolls around, so my grades dropped a little bit I think. However, I don’t really know yet because the official grades will not get posted for a few more days. The spring semester was also harder because of how much time basketball took. I played my first here of college basketball this year and got nine starts for my division two school. I missed a lot of classes due to away games and spend the rest of the semester trying to play catch up. School is good though. I’m finding now that when questions are asked, people look to me for my thoughts and input. Teachers say things like, “does anyone other than Michael have the answer.” Which could mean one of two things, either the teachers know I’m smart or they think I talk too much. I think it’s a bit of both. While parts of this year were hard and other parts encouraging, the school year did go by rather quickly indeed. Hello Summer time.
Summer begins with very few of my plans still in place. I was planning to continue my world traveling. I was planning trips to the Caribbean Islands, Israel, and Jordan. However, that’s not what my summer ended up looking like. The money was just not there for another summer of full time traveling. See, I’m still trying to find a balance between mixing work and play. Traveling is my passion. I’m getting my degree in the study of cultures, and I have a tattoo of a glob and words that read “in this I still believe that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Yes, I have been bitten by the travel bug. This is my passion and future. However, there is a reality that I have to make money. I know how to work hard and I’ve always earned my own way. I’m learning how to fully mix the two. Someday my passions will be my job and my job will be my passion. For now, I’m in a learning stage. I am learning a lot and reading even more now that school is out. Turns out I really enjoy theology. I'm "finding myself" so to speak and forming my own worldview and philosophy. Life is good and I'm enjoying every step of the way. My summer is going to be taken up by work and an online class. I wish I had a chance to see you all. However, I feel lead to spend this summer setting up next year. I'm still trying to pay for my school without taking out too many loans. That's a big burden on my heart. I want to be responsible and do everything I can. I want to be able to look back and say I did everything I could to the best of my ability. At the same time, I still plan on traveling and learning from first hand experiences. I get a two week break from work in June, and I’m now planning to take a trip to Mexico. I’m hoping to find some organizations to check out down there. Maybe I’ll find something dealing with humanitarian work or the war on drugs relief work. While I’m working hard right now, there is still room for traveling and service. I'm kicking my summer off with my birthday which is next Saturday. Like I said, this summer is about bettering me in every way possible. I'm working out every day and getting stronger physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
Thanks again for your prayer and support as I continue to seek my calling as a leader in the next generation of world service. The gate to my school Simpson University has a sign that reads, “Gateway to World Service.” This is a stage for me. I’m growing and creating myself here. If you know it or not, you are a part of whom I am becoming. That’s why I’m sending you this update and thank you letter. Thank you for the role you have played in my life. I look up to you and respect those that have gone before me.

With great love
Michael Silliman
530-941-5200
michaelsilliman@gmail.com

Perspective

2011-04-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

Matthew 7 reads, 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” The passage goes on to ask why you point out the little speck in someone else’s eye when your own eye has a blank in it. What’s the meaning of this passage to me? There is a need for humility and fairness as we look at others.
I once knew a very old man whom I called Grandpa. He was not really my Grandfather. I just called him that. We finally moved away and he died a few years later. He would come around the house a lot and make jokes and tricks. Grandpa had lots of little lines and things he would say. One of these sayings was “always keep your eyes on heaven, unless you’re driving and then keep your eyes on the road.” Another thing he would say that has ringed in my ears all my life is “when you point at someone, you’re pointing three back at yourself.” I think Matthew 7 and Grandpa had a lot in common.
All societies have to base their foundation on some standard of what’s right and what’s wrong. Equality happens when all people are held to those same standards. I think Matthew 7 is saying we should hold ourselves to the same standards to which we hold the rest of society. If someone has a little bit of wrong doing or “sin” in their life, we should first look at ourselves. Jesus said, “He who is without sin through the first stone.” When we look at others based on who we are ourselves, no one really looks that bad anymore. This opens the door to forgiveness. The bible is promoting a lifestyle of that kind of openness, fairness, and humility to one another.

A Dream of "Home"

2011-04-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

Over the last 4 years, I have slept in many different places. Sofas and floors in many different States and Countries have been my home for a night or two. I have slept on war ships and in old army barracks. I spent a Month in the back of a car in the winter of 2007, and I jumped between friends spare bedrooms in the beginning of 2008. I rented a really small house for awhile in Washington while going to college up there. That turned out to be one of the better places I have lived. It was peaceful and I had lots of time to myself. I had a friend as a roommate there. He changed his name to Jack Lewis. I think that's a rather cool name. It turns out I'm better friends with him from a distance however. I once tried living with coworkers too. Work is so much better when it stays at work. My rather long history of locations continues; however, I think you get the point.

Maybe something about me likes the idea that I'm still looking for home. Comfort is not really something I have ever looked for in a place to stay. I have never really sat down and felt at rest. I remember while growing up I would daydream about my future life far away. I never thought about staying. I never dreamed of staying close. I longed to be far far away. I have never been ready to settle down before now. I am still looking and dreaming of that place I can truly call home.

I have to say, the best roommate I have ever had is Scott Beardley. He's my roommate right now here at Simpson University. I did not know him before I came here. I just showed up here in the middle of the night last September and walked into the room I had been assigned and there Scott was. He was sleeping, and his stuff was nice and clean, and I liked him from day one.

As this school year is almost over for us, I want to take this moment to thank Scott. Not only has Scoot been the best roommate of my life, I have also learned many things from him. I'll tell you what, Scott is the most confident and humble individual I have ever known. We have never really had a disagreement because Scott has dealt with issues ahead of time and in the right ways. Everywhere he goes, Scott brings peace with him. I was just talking to a friend on the phone, and I told her there's very few people I will try to stay close with years down the road. Scott is one of the few.

I have called many places home, and while more than likely I'll end up in a few more places before all this is over. Now that I think about it, maybe home really has nothing to do with where I'm at. Maybe home is in the heart. Maybe the rest I'm looking for and dreaming of comes with a peace in mind and soul. I think that's right. I think home is where the people I love are. I know who the people are that I love, and I know I want to bring them close and love them for the rest of my life. That's my dream now. I dream of creating my HOME.

Summer 2011 Plans

2011-03-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

Over the last two weeks, many things have changed in my plans for this upcoming summer. I was planning to make two trips over seas. The first trip (a mission trip with a basketball team that was going to the D.R. to play pro teams) has been postponed until the summer of 2012. I am disappointed in this because I was very much looking forward to this trip. However, waiting another year for this trip will be best for everyone involved, and basketball after all is a team sport, so I will wait until next summer for this trip. This will also give me more time to save the money needed. The second trip I was planning was a study trip to Israel. Due to the cost of flights going up, I no longer will be able to pay for even the flight to get to Israel. I have just sent and email to the teacher leading the trip to inform him that I will be withdrawing my name of the trip. I could not save enough money to live out my dreams of studying in Israel. I am more disappointed then I have ever been before. I got my hopes up for this trip, so now I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going back to Washington for Spring Break. I'm hoping that trip will answer some questions for me. I need to know if taking online classes is an option this summer. Other than that I don't really have any back up plans. I guess I will try to find a cool place to live and a good job that fits me and work this summer while taking a few online classes. If anyone knows of an opportunity of a job or internship that I could apply for, please let me know and put in a good name for me. thanks. Growing up, my mom always told me that when one door closes another is about to open. That idea has become nature for me. While my plans for this summer disappeared within a week, my hopes are still high that something even better will come long.

Michael Silliman

Basketball Fans

2011-03-12T22:35:00.001-08:00

This, as many know, is the best time of year. It's almost Spring which means it's March, and March brings with it the best basketball of the year. It's March Madness! College Basketball is on all three ESPN channels, and every college student has their internet homepage set to ESPN.com. As judgment week comes to an end and the teams that make the big tournament are named, fans are on the tips of their seats. If you're from Washington, like I am, you have heard everyone talking about the Washington Huskies. The Huskies just made the tournament by a single shot over Arizona in overtime. Washington fans have been made proud two years in a row now. Last year we made it to the sweet 16 in the tournament, and yet again our goals are set high as we are playing our best basketball at the most important time. Washington playing well is a very good thing for me because I'm living in California right now. What I have learned about California people is that they think they are the best at everything. If you're from California, there is little reason to move elsewhere. I'm a basketball player from out of State who has an issue with anyone who is that full of themselves. Therefore, Washington goes to prove my point that real Ballers are from the North. I mean come on, California has beautiful women, best beaches, Kobe, many NBA teams, and Hollywood. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my Coffee. I just enjoy knowing that while UCLA and USC are losers Washington wins yet again. I'm a basketball fan. I love this game, so while Washington has been doing be proud, I also have a few other teams. From about 2006, I have been a fan of the Kansas University Basketball program. I cheered in joy as I watched Kansas win the whole Championship in 2008. From the beginning of this college basketball year I have been saying that Kansas will win everything again this year. So far I'm right as Kansas will be placed as a one seed in the big dance. Kansas was been steady all year. With only a few loses, my team in blue has stayed a good deal out of the spotlight. They have been ranked number two for most the year as other teams keep moving around in the poles. I'm glad of this because last year when Kansas was number one all year the presser proved to be too much in the end. This year is very different. A steady team that has proven they are a powerhouse in college basketball is ready to make its move into the spotlight. Basketball fans, just wait and watch, and remember you heard it first from me.

My Advice

2011-02-13T22:42:00.000-08:00

The emotions of dealing with lacking basic skills are going to happen. For me, it was the style of learning how to read and white that I could not get. I spent most my teen years in "read right" classes trying to sound out words. We can thank Bush and the No Child Left Behind act for those classes. At this point, I would just tell a 14 year old to memorize the words. Sounding words out does not really work when your reading in front of a class of 50 people. You either know the word your you don't. To this day, I have flash cards of new words I'm learning next to my bed. Use the under dog mind set to push you forward. I learned how to read five years ago. Now I'm in my third year of college and on the Deans List. I'm not here because I'm smart or because I had a good childhood but because I would not let anyone tell me I was stupid. I was full of myself and thought I could do anything, and in the end, that got me through the hard times. I also really believe kids need support systems. It took me a long time to build a supporting base that I could turn to. Over the years, I made friends in high places. I saw the kind of person I wanted to be and started seeking those people. I would go talk with pastors and hang out with older men who played basketball in Sequim. After years of building those relationships, I found that I did indeed have a family. I found that a community of people were behind me and wanted to see me go places. That's how I got to where I am today. The thing is, people are still telling me I can't do things. Even some of those people I called family are no longer behind me. Some people supported me because they wanted me to turn into something. They had a goal and a plan for my life. The people with strings attached to their support have abandoned me. However, I press on. That is what we must all do. Learn from those that have gone before you, and don't be to shy to ask for help. It is the duty of some to grow and others to feed. I'm still in a growing stage myself.

Cross-Cultural Studies

2011-01-25T19:57:00.000-08:00

I love children, well really I just love people in general. Learning about new people and new cultures is a love of mine. I love traveling. I love understanding the world. History interests me. I enjoy understanding how believe systems shape the world. I love philosophy and theology at the same time. More than my love of knowledge of the world, I have a passion to be apart of this world. To shape it myself. I dream of opening little boy eyes to the beauty of life. I hope to give people opportunities to live out there dreams. This is my foundation. This is why I'm going to college. For those reasons and passions, I get up in the morning. This is my philosophy for life. That is what led me to Simpson. There is a sign outside the gate to this University that says, "challenge your mind, change your world." I'm getting my degree in Cross-Cultural Studies. Many have asked what I will do with such a degree and what is this degree is made up of. The answers to those kinds of questions are anything but simple. My degree's definition is a long one. It is difficult to reach out to people if you cannot understand their ways of life. As a student in the cross-cultural studies program I have an opportunity to develop skills in understanding others. I will first develop a broad understanding of cultural anthropology, cross-cultural communication, religions, language acquisition, and theology. I'm also getting minors in Business and Bible Theology. I believe these degrees will open doors for me around the world. I desire to be a highly educated well rounded person. These degrees cover a wide range of topics and studies. Many around me are just getting degrees in communications, business, theology, anthropology, or history. However, I'm trying to have a higher level education in all these fields. This, of course, is not at all easy. For an example, there is a level of vocabulary for each of these fields of study. This is not just college for me. It's not just a social time. I'm trying to become something here.

The Good Ol Days

2011-01-24T13:17:00.000-08:00

These are the moments I hear old people spend hours talking about. They talk about the times on sports teams. They talk about college classes that made them think. They talk about their friends from college. They talk about how smart they were in college. Old people make me think about life. I wonder what I will talk about. What will be my bragging right? I wonder what's the thing that I will base my identity off of. It seem everyone's motive for doing things is selfish when it comes down to it. Someday I will look back to the year 2011 and say, "those were the good ol days." I'm truly enjoying this part of my life. I'm improving in all areas of my life, which that is why I'm enjoying life I think. I'm keeping busy and doing better than I ever have before. This is also the highest level I have ever been at. I'm playing college basketball at the division two level, and I'm on the deans list at a privet University. I have reached my goals, and I'm enjoying life.

"Home"

2010-12-24T15:25:00.000-08:00

The idea of home is on my mind this time of year. It's the Holidays, and I'm staying in North California this year. I have no family, house, or even a car here. The common student can be heard this time of year on the phone saying, "I'm home for Christmas." I wonder where my home is. Will I ever be able to say I'm home without the question mark in the back of my head. I think back to all the places I have called home. The Texas house with the cutout cabinet high on my bedroom wall. I would jump from it onto a hill of blankets. I remember the Springville house with all it's trees lining the driveway. My brother Daniel had to sleep on the porch the place was so small. When the rain would come, all his stuff, which was a lot, would get wet. I would help everyone clean up the mess. There was the house up in Three Rivers California that we stayed in for awhile. It was even smaller than the last and in a community based around a church. Up there I saw crazy things. Runs in backyards and boys showing me where they would run into the hills if the government would come is what I remember. That was the first time I tried smoking too. I must have been 8 years old. Next came the Mountain house that I loved dearly. I remember so many things from that place. So many afternoons of running free through the hills. I saw a bear and tried to make a gun. I helped the cowboys herd the cows, and I remember getting up early on the first morning at that house to sit by the water and think about life. I was 9 years old when I left there. I cried bitterly as we left. What makes a house a home, and as a college student in my 20s, do I need family to have a home? I'm in that weird place between having a family I grew up in and getting my own family as a grown up. This Christmas, I did not buy a single gift. No little brothers to enjoy them with. I did not even give my grandmother a hug for the $15 check that comes like clock work. No, the last few years have been much different for me. I did not run to jump onto my fathers bed, and I'm writing this blog before even opening the gifts under the tree. I slept in this Christmas morning for I had no reason to wake. Can one be home away from such places, moments, and memories? Looking back on it, I wonder how I enjoyed most of those times. I have changed a lot. I don't cry when I leave places anymore. Places don't mean anything to me. Redding and North California will hold many memories but not my heart. I'm a traveler and have spent the bigger part of my life on the move. I am independent and a lonely traveler through this world, and I am a product of my environment.

Real Life I Guess

2010-12-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

It's when hard times come that I find myself missing the things of old. There is indeed two paths, and I, I took the one less traveled by. Let this be a warning to those who have yet to pick their way. The road less traveled by is not for the weak of heart. On cold winter nights when times are just a little too hard to control the emotions, I find screaming in pain brings no satisfaction. For no one from my childhood hears the cry of self pity. They are too far to know enough to care. This path is one without company. I picked a world of new experiences and education over that of comfort and a happy family. Some say I never picked this way anyways. no they say I had to leave. Like I was forced to flee. and I see of no other way indeed. These days are hard times for me, and my wish and dream is to be far away from here. When dreams are put on hold, I look around and understand those dreams were my everything. There is no happy home to go home to. In my life, there is no where to run. The only world I live in is the one I have created for myself. The people here now are the only people I have. All else is lost. I wish I could live both this life and the other. I'm sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler. I leave you behind because you can't keep up. I'm forgetting, now, if I ever even had a Merry Christmas. "I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference."

Being Challenged

2010-12-03T20:02:00.000-08:00

The foundations of how I view who I am have been challenged over the last few weeks. I have always thought of myself as the hardest worker. People come from better backgrounds than me and more than likely have a better support system; however, I have one thing that always has made me the best student in class and the best basketball player on my team. I had to face the fact this week that I’m not the best basketball player here at Simpson University right now. That may seem like a small thing for most people, but I know I should be doing better than I am, and so I’m disappointed with that reality. Being removed from the starting lineup on my team this week made me turn back to my foundation: faith and work ethics. I think I have been falling short over the last two months in both those areas. I now understand I need to get back to the basics. All that to say, when I studied James this week, this one part really hit me: “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I feel I have fallen short lately. I have let the testing of my faith foundations get to me. I now must turn back to the one thing I know: perseverance. I may not be the best, and that’s okay with me now. The one thing I will cling to is that I am the hardest worker. That is what I must focus on. If I get the respect or not, the playing time and points will continue to come. Work ethic has never failed me. Six years ago, I could not even read. Now I’m in my third year of college. years 7 ago, I had never been inside a gym. Now I’m making highlight videos and playing teams like Oregon Institute of Technology and Western Organ University. I will continue to grow and reach new levels by my work ethic.

The Man I Want To Be

2010-11-29T22:44:00.000-08:00

"When I was growing up, my dad received Father's Day cards from kids all over the neighborhood. No, they were not his children, checking in from broken homes all around the block. They were from boys growing up in homes without men, who saw something fatherly in my dad. Those Father's Day cards reminded me that, even if I did not know all the reasons why, we had something good at our house, something other kids wanted."

I have seen men rule their work shop, have control of one room in the house, have their own chair at the head of the table, even have parts of the day that no one was to talk to them. I have seen men with beautiful families, with beautiful yards, and with beautiful houses. I have been around good dads. Guys that showed their children how much honor means. I grew up with a dad that knew how to work and take care of his own. My father was the leader of my family. I never second guessed that. However, I desire to be so much more than just a dad. Oh, I do wish to be a dad. I dream of the kids I will have. I even have a name picked out for a son. I want to be a man that is the leader of the whole block. From stop light to stop light I want to be called dad. I want to be the guy that leaders say they grew up learning from. I want to be the role model and the mentor.

Unspoken Dreams

2010-11-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

While enjoying fall afternoons, while walking down the street, while waking up on early Sunday mornings of peace, and while in my dorm looking at my little brothers picture on the wall, random things come to mind. I'll be sitting with a friend over a cup of coffee or looking out the window of a car and I find myself somewhere far off. She looks at me and says, "where did you go?" I live in two worlds. the world that you get to enjoy with me and another world that's totally within my head. What you see is not everything of me. I have thoughts that I have never bothered to tell. Things unspoken within my soul. Sometimes I forget these make up worlds are there. I'll spend a good amount of time in this world, and no one sees that deep heart that hides within. Passions for small things. Last night I opened the door. I let something I care about out. I showed my heart. When this happens (which if you know me you know what I'm talking about), a flow of thoughts runs like a river out of my soul and does not stop until I have said it all. Last night I told someone my heart for children. Many people know I like kids. Many people know I worked at the Boys and Girls Club of America. Many people know I have four little brothers that mean the world to me. However, no one has heard me say how I really feel. No one has heard my heart for the fatherless boys I have mentored. Not many people even know I tried to start a mentoring project for single parent children. Passions unspoken means plans unfulfilled. However, not all my dreams are so honorable! I dream of being a underwear model too.

Always On the Go

2010-11-10T22:51:00.000-08:00

I'm more busy these days than I ever have been before. Between five (and next semester it will be six) classes, playing a college sport, and a new found social life I never stop going. I love it! I spent last year setting myself up and getting myself here, and now I'm enjoying all that hard work paying off. The years of being the one to say no to a social life are over. I have friends in all my classes. If homework is due, I throw a homework party in the Library. After Basketball games a group of fellow students run to In and Out (a fast food place that has good milk shakes). After most my classes, I run to the dinning hall to get some cookies with whoever wants to come. Enjoying the small things makes school so much better. I'm living on campus which has both good and bad things about it. Living in a community has it's issues. Drama and judgment seem to be out of control at times. Not having a car here means I have a lack of freedom. Not being able to do what I want when I want is all new to me. No one and nothing has stopped me from just leaving whenever I wanted for years now, so not having the ability to just drive is hard. I miss my independence; however, the trade off has been well worth it. I have had to humble myself in many ways here, and I think that's a good lesson for me. Living in community has it's up sides. The opportunities to just have friends in unforced ways is refreshing to my soul. I don't have to get in deep talk about faith and politics here. Those talks do happen, but relationships are not based on deep talks. All my friends and I have things in common. We are living a life together and therefore have common ground. Everywhere I go from eating meals to working out, I have many friends around me. This has made school totally enjoyable and has made relationships simple. I'm living the normal life for people my age for the first time in my life. I'm growing and happy.

A Duty

2010-11-03T16:59:00.000-07:00

"...Good philosophy must exist, if for no
other reason, because bad philosophy needs to be
answered. The cool intellect must work not only against cool
intellect on the other side, but against the muddy heathen
mysticism which deny intellect altogether.
Most of all, perhaps we need intimate knowledge of the
past. Not that the past has any magic about it, but because
we cannot study the future, and yet need something to set
against the present, to remind us that periods and that
much which seems certain to the uneducated is merely
temporary fashion. A man who has lived in many place is not
likely to be deceived by the local errors of his native village:
the scholar has lived in many times and is therefore in some
degree immune form the great cataract of nonsense that
pours from the press and the microphone of his own age.
The learned life then is, for some, a duty."

2010-10-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment.” – Romans 12:3
I look at this and ask myself if I am sober when I think about myself. I have definitely had issues with thinking too highly of myself. Most of that had to do with not being able to face my own weaknesses and covering them up with over confidence. However, some of it was a deeply rooted believe that I was the best person in the room. That idea was rooted in my childhood like most things are. I grew up with my dad telling me that I could do anything because I had his last name. He told me I could have any lady in the world enough times that I started to believe him. Being able to stand tall and believe in myself is a gift I thank my father for. While I understand I have to deal with issues of thinking too highly of myself, I'm glad I'm not on the other side of that needing to rise my self esteem. All that just to say: I have had a chance of heart. I want to become humble because I think true strength is in those that step down from their high status. That’s what Jesus did, and that’s what I want to do. I’m now asking myself what it means to be “last” in society. Romans 12:10 comes back to the idea of humbling yourself. It says, “Honor one another above yourselves.” I want to learn to do that.

Just Live Your Life

2010-10-23T02:01:00.000-07:00

As I have talked about in past posts, I enjoy thinking I'm the under dog. I have made choices in my life to walk away from things that could hold me down/back. I believe my future holds a lot of crazy unknowns, and therefore, I need to be ready for anything. Over the last month, the way I look at things has really started to change. I have freed myself from worry of the future. It's not as easy as it sounds to be a "free spirit." Being free commonly means walking away from those you care about. Being free commonly means being careless. It's two in the morning right now, and I just got back from watching the movie Jack Ass with some guys. While I found most of the movie sick and not enjoyable, there is something about that reckless style of life that speaks to me. I guess what I'm saying is that at some point over the last month I came to the understanding that things were getting in my way. Becoming the person I believe is right to become was impossible for me as long as I hanged on to the people around me. I pray that seeking the freedom I believe is necessary to continue my growth in both body and spirit does not hurt anyone. Maybe I'm hoping for something that is impossible. However, weather people are understanding or not, I have to follow the calling I have set for myself. I'm random, I'm free, and I'm happy again. I can't bring myself to say sorry because this is who I am at my core. You can not define me, so don't try. I don't belong anywhere, and you can't seem to hang on to me. I see an open road and long to take it. I have no idea where it will take me, and that's why I choose to take it.

College Athlete

2010-09-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

It hit me the other day that I'm a first generation college athlete. I'm playing college basketball with a lot of guys who grew up learning this game. Their dads played at some higher level, and these guys have been playing ball sense they were three years old. I have a much different story. Growing up, sports were evil. I did not even play basketball inside a gym until I was in High School. I like the idea of coming from behind or taking the under dog roll. With all the handicaps I have, I should not be where I am. I am who I am today not because of my past but in spite of it. Working my butt off was what I learned growing up. Earning my own way by hard work means those who want credit don't have rights to say they were apart of this. I was by myself. Alone without coaches or nice camps, I had to teach myself.

A lot of college athletes get a bad name. They walk around campus in their sports gear and eat in little groups of other athletes. I'm not sure I fit in with this classic "College Athlete." Even within the sport I love, the feeling that I am indeed alone lives on. I still think of myself as the under dog. I'm still out to prove the world wrong. Even after an athletic scholarship, I don't believe I belong. Guys on the team have been telling me they think I will be on the starting line up. I hear people say I'm really good. For some reason, I can't believe it. I have to block out the nice words and just keep working. It's a curse I have from my past. I can't ever belong. I'm always going to be the under dog within my own head. Thoughts like "I don't belong" or "people don't like me" ring in my head everyday. Nightmares destroy my needed sleep as I fear being found out. Someone is going to find out that I don't even belong in college. I'm really just a faker. "Fake it until you make it" does not always work. Sometimes it haunts you.

Oh How Far I have Come

2010-09-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

It's 11 at night. I have nothing to do and no where to go. Still trying to find some where to sleep. Dude, I need something to change. I need to get my life in line. Should I take a leap and walk away from everything I know? At some point, you have to make up your mind why you're living, and what is it that gets you up in the morning. When I can't think of a reason, then what? All that is left is me, my car, and a hope of something better. However, with this bitter cold weather, that's not much to live for when it's that depressing time of year.

That's something I wrote down three years ago. I was in a Safeway parking lot sleeping in my car by choice. Back then, I was too hurt to even love myself. I don't know how I made it out of that winter alive, but three long years later I find myself in a much different place.

Teaching with Force

2010-09-09T09:44:00.001-07:00

This is my first week at Simpson University, and already a teacher is using powerful ways to make his points. It was 8 in the morning, and I was still half asleep. This was Oral Communication with a philosopher teacher. The teacher spent a good amount of time talking about Obama. He said Obama has changed the blame games and is now blaming the Congress instead of Bush. Then while talking about the classic topic of humanism and realities and truth, he asked me to stand up. I stood, still mad about the one sided political points, waiting for him to make a fool of my new thoughts about this topic. The teacher then asked me to do something I was not ready for. He asked me to made a fist, walk over to the wall, and pull in back and punch the wall as hard as I could. Without thinking, I did as he said. The wall cracked under my hand as I heard a girl from the next class room over scream. The look on my classmates faces was worth it. The guys in the room were acting like it was no big deal, and the girls in the room had open mouths. The light on the far side of the room went out and then came back on. The teacher went on to make his point. He said "is that wall a real wall? or is that just your perception?" I said "it felt real," and I sat back down. His point was made, and He was happy. I wished it was his face instead of the wall. Force does not fly with me. Please make open points that will make me think bigger. Stop telling me (or showing me) what to think. Now my teacher thinks it's clear that absolute truth has been proven. Any more questions on the topic of absolutes would be pointless in his mind. I disagree and did not get to say so. This teacher is smarter than me. I'm not sure I could stand up to him. My ideas on this topic are not well thought out yet. I just know I hate Oral Communication class. My hand is black and blue, but I have made my mark in the Simpson University class room.

First Day of Classes

2010-09-07T20:29:00.000-07:00

This all began with a dream of bettering myself. I never want to stop growing or learning. I have tried to walk into every new day acting like a student. A student of life. That humble out look on life has taken me around the world. Now I am faced with the fact that being a student only leads to harder lessons. Today I started classes at Simpson University. Today I had only two classes. Oral Communication and World Civilizations. Tomorrow will bring three different classes and with it even more reading to be done. I can tell already I'm going to learn a lot. This is going to be hard. However, hard is what I asked for. I want to take on the vary things that have been holding me back. I feel so small tonight. The homework is sitting near by, and there is a dance party going on outside. I have a dorm meeting in a hour and after that I'm going to work on my basketball game. I feel alone and small. I wonder tonight what life would look like if I didn't care so much. What would I be if I did not try so hard? These days I have been having a hard time letting things go. I have been rethinking and rethinking my own believe system. I have too much on my mind tonight. My head hurts. A man I really look up to said online the other day "there are people who say they can prove God is not real, and there are people who say they can prove God is real. I checked out of the conversation a long time ago. I believe I have a need for God, and if you feel the same. Than lets talk about that." that means a lot to me. I want to just stop thinking about the pointless talks. More than likely I disagree with everyone anyways. I don't believe in the standard simple hell or heaven or good and bad anymore. I don't believe in a 6000 year old world either. I believe God was talking about something bigger than we can understand. The goal for me is not to understand the God that I follow. or even to define that God. I just know he looks different than some of my friends Gods. Like I said before, I just want to keep growing. I'm not trying to answer all the questions I have today. Somehow by making everything bigger I have made everything way more simple. Even tho there is a crazy war of thoughts going on in my head, I am at peace with my own faith. It is my own faith. A lot of people don't like that. They want my faith to look like theirs. Right now my mind is being used up for one purpose and one goal: to make it though this school year. These classes are hard and it's going to take everything out of me. However, I will not stop praying for the Kingdom of God to come to this earth and for a peace to reach every person on this earth. I pray not to change my God but to change myself. May I be the one that brings those things to pass in my world.
May peace be with you.

University

2010-09-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

I never thought about going to school growing up. I never thought about living in a dorm with a roommate. I never thought about trying to be smart. I did not care about smart. Maybe I thought about college when I drove down to see my sister at college in Portland. I would drive down about once a month my last year of high school. I loved the college envrionment! Not so much because of the schooling that was happening everywhere but more because Val would show me off to all the girls in her dorm. I did not say to myself "I don't want to go to school." I just never asked myself if I did or not. I never answered the question I never asked. I was more worried about getting out of my parents house and out of Sequim. I wanted passion, and I wanted to do something crazy, so I went to the University of the Nations in Hawaii. Which really is not a University at all. It's more of a Christian movement than a school. Half of my teachers at that school told me college was a good place to get brain washed. Funny because the people in real schools say the same thing about Christian movements. I got what I was looking for. I got a lot of crazy while traveling around Aisa with the U. of N. It was there, which was more in the middle of no where in Cambodia, that I asked myself the questian.

There was a Cambodian man, about my age, who lived outside of a church I was working on in the Esat of Cambo. It was two hours away from the next university. This Cambo man had never seen that University. No, he had never been to the city only two hours away. He spent his time working in rice fields by day. He would walk a half an hour to the near by school after working the rice for 12 hours to study English with a old Christian man. He would get home, the door step of a barn the people called church, at about one in the morning. While trying to sleep on that door step, I asked myself a questian: "what does this guy want?" I had never asked why people tryed to learn before that. There was something about this poor mans life that I liked. I wanted to be like him. He had found something worth losing sleep over. I would have a hard time sleeping because it was a barn, but at 5am everyday this Cambodian man would be up doing homework before he left for work. I asked him why he worked so hard. He just told me that someday he was going to a University he had never seen. I asked him if he had ever looked at the schools website. He said he had never seen a computer either. He asked me if I was going to school. He was the first person to ever ask me that. I said "yes of course."

There I was faced with the understanding that learning is valuable for the first time in my life. I made up my mind that I was going to work as hard as I could. I was going to find a school that would take me. I was going to find a school that would teach me how to think and how to grow. I was going to find a school that would open doors to world service.

That was a year and a half ago. It has been a long road from then to now. Now I'm sitting in a dormroom in California. This is Simpson University. A big poster in the front says "Simpson University. Gateway to World Service."

Good Bye

2010-09-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

A low doorway leads into a small dark house. A smell that is something like 10 year old hair spray and milk fills the air. A smell that will always remind me of my childhood blanket. The carpet is black in some spots from the long years of walking the same path. Under yellow sheets, blue furniture sits out of place around the room. Much like my fathers house. A book on tape plays in a dry voice. Japan, Cambodia, Spain all had less culture shock for me than this place does today. "It has been a long time. Too Long. I should have not left her alone like this. I should have loved her more." The thoughts keep coming in waves of pain. Violence happens not only when actions happen but also in the lack of actions of love. I made her smile today. I think maybe it has been a long time. I could have helped her smile about life, but I was too hurt. Me believing I had rights got in the way of my own standard of love. Opening some pills, The words come out "I love you." I don't say that to some people who are really close, but yet I can say it here. "I love you" Checking the mail. It has not come yet. I say goodbye and hug a 70 pound woman. Now I leave and may never return. I'm not going to sleep well this night.

Chess

2010-09-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

As I talked about in my last post, I spent 9 days with my brother Daniel in Germany, France, and then Germany again. If you know my brother, you know he is a story teller. Much like my father and my fathers brother Ron. Daniel told me a story I had forgotten. When I was only 8 years old, me and my two older brothers Dave and Dan would play a lot of chess. We all played the game with the mind set that the out come of the game would determine who was king of the house. The kind until the next game anyways. We all had learned to play from our dad, so we all played the same way. The only difference is our skill level had to do with age. Daniel had been playing for six years longer than me, and Dave had four years on me. So I lost a lot. The thing was they would beat me with the same style of game every time. My dads style of chess. I hated to be beat, and still do. My older brothers having the bragging rights to the house all the time got to me, so I made up my mind to turn the table. I started to spent hours of time playing chess on the computer. However, I did not play the computer on a level where I would have a chance to win. No. I put the computer to the highest level. I would lose just like I did in deal life. I then started to play the computer with the champions of the house my older brothers style of chess. The computer showed me how to rip that style of came apart. After a few weeks of watching the computer destroy me and therefore my brothers game. I challenged my brothers to a rematch. I won. Not just once, but I won for weeks. An 8 year old running around the house calling himself king to his 12 and 14 year old brothers. This story tells a lot about me. My determination to be the best at everything I do has not changed either. My relationship with my older, much smarter and stronger brothers, shaped me into who I am today. Today the playing field if level. While playing many games of chess with Daniel in France 12 years later, we both won some and both lost some games. I love the game of Chess, and I think it played a big role in the kind of person I am.

Taize in France

2010-08-23T08:02:00.000-07:00

I just spent a week in prayer and silence. It was a time of much thought for me while in France. I went with my brother Daniel and a group of people from Germany. Most of the group was not religious which made the trip more powerful for me. There was a lot of group talks about life and the world we live in. Taize is a form of the Catholic church that is housing international talks and prayers. Cultures coming together to learn how to build peace first within oursleves and then for the whole world. Watching the Taize brothers live their lifes of humble service gave me a new understanding of my own faith. The size of my understanding has grown. I am asking questians, and that is what I care about. The end of growth is the quality or condition of being humble. I believe love cost something, so I ask myself what the cost is going to be of loving everyone in my life. In every action there is a price. Me traveling the world has cost me friendships. My plans to live simply on this earth mean something. I believe there is a calling on my life. Which means, I am willing to give up a great deal. The car is up for sale, and I'm not planning on using a cell phone anymore. What does living for something bigger than myself look like?

Busy, Crazy, my life

2010-08-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

Maybe I will just show you the pictures from this last weekend because I can't put it into words. If I could, I wouuld just say it was crazy. I had a crazy weekend. It all started when Sara's family asked me to go to their camp home for the weekend. This is the same camp ground where there was bomb threats last week. I packed my bags and got on a bus to Sara's town Bergara. Once I got to Bergara Sara showed me her town. a beautiful but small town hiding up in the hills about an hour away from San Sebastian. From there I got in a car with Sara's family and drove out of Basque Country and into Spain for the first time. I got to meet Sara's friends at her camp. The camps are made up of really really small houses, a pool, and a bar. The same 1000 people go to this camp every summer to see their friends and party. The environment was all fun. The first night I got there they turned on the music and everyone danced until one in the morning. After that some of Sara's friends showed me real Basque music. Her two friends play music on TV and are really good. we sat around for two hours in a parking lot, the same parking lot the bombs were said to be in, and sang along to true Basque culture. The next morning I went on a 4 mile run to a small farming town. I ran and Sara and her friends had bikes. When I saw small town, I mean SMALL. Farmers her don't have big houses with barns next door. They live in these towns with doors about half as tall as me. The Barns are in random places around the town. After the run into a totally different culture I had a lazy day around a pool with a lot of girls who just wanted to work on their English. So, they asked me questions and then more questions. After dinner at 9, everyone went out on the town. First we hanged out in parks of a small town, then we got a taxi to another town almost an hour away from the camp. We were planning to have some fun there. It was a holiday in that town. I don't know what the holiday was for and I don't think anyone else did either. It was just a reason to have more fun. Hundreds of people walking around a town at two and three in the morning. The only bad things was we had no way back to the camp. Here we were more than an hour away from the camp in some weird part of Spain with no way back. The Taxi's were full for the rest of the night, and I was hanging with a lot of kids that don't have cars. We ended up finding a ride with three guys at about five in the morning. By that time the streets had turned into war zones of crazy people having just a little bit to much fun. and this is Europe. The next day, after only 2 hours of sleep, we drove to a city to watch Spain's international basketball team play. They are very good. Some people think they are better than the US this year. I was given free seats three rows from the front of one of the world best basketball teams. Crazy! That was my last full day with Sara, so we stayed up all night. There also happened to be a lightning storm. Welcome to my life. The next morning I got in a car and drove to Andoni's town. This town has about 2156 people in it. Andoni and his friends making up the six. Without them there would only be 2150. I got to see Andoni in is own envrionment. Something that I was not ready for. We rocked out for most of the night, and the next day I came back to San Sebastian.

A Chance of a Lifetime

2010-08-04T12:19:00.001-07:00

This may be the coolest thing I have ever done, and I have done a lot. I'm really just living in Europe. I'm a poor college student that some how fell onto an opportunity to live in Spain for a month. I really still don't know how this has all happened. It makes me think of the movie called Just Say Yes, or something like that. It is amazing where saying yes will take someone. I now find myself living in a beautiful city in Europe. I don't really have any plan. I just go about my days one step at a time here. I have a bus pass that was given to me, so I ride around the city. I may take up to ten different buses on any given day. I have a phone that people call me on wanting to take me to see a show or out to eat. I am just living by the minute. I have a store, that really does not cost that much, right nextdoor to my house. My house was also given to me. If I'm hungry, I go to the store. There is no such thing as dinner time for me here. I do try to plan things. However, I'm learning my plans don't really work here. I just end up going along with someone elses plan, and there has been many other plans. I never find myself bored. at least, not yet anyways. Life is simple, and I like it this way. I'm spending less than ten USD a day right now. Which is unbelievable because this is Europe. I am indeed blessed

a humble
Michael Silliman

Europe

2010-08-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

Once again I find myself on the road. This time it's Europe. I'm in San Sebastian, Spain right now. This may be the most beautiful place I have ever been. Even more beautiful than hawaii. It's not just the beaches that are beautiful, but the streets and buildings are wonderful. Even miles away from where people ever go, San Sebastian is clean and friendly. The people here have become friends of mine within a month. They all seem humble and yet strong. I am taking a lot in right now. This trip is going to change me in many ways!

The Start of "the War on Terror"

2010-07-02T17:39:00.000-07:00

The political world is in an outrage today because someone said "this is Obama's war." Some of the people on the left were fast to point out that "it was Bush that started this mess in 2001." This really bothers me because I think the issue with terrorism has been going on for a lot longer than that. September 11th 2001 was not the start of the "war on terror" but just a wake up call to America. Terror has been going on as long as history books have been around, and that's a long time. What Bush did was hit back. In that sense, Bush started this mess. A damn big mess. It seems America has forgotten what "war" really is, and how bad of a thing it is. Violence is called for every time something bad happens to America. Obama, who I am a fan of, has indeed made this violence his own. His hands are no longer clean. For war is not clean. Let's try to understand not only what war is, but also better ways to deal with issues. Crazy Religions are not killed by war. That is not the point of war. Why are we fighting about who started this. What I care about is who will step up and end it. Let us hear a cry for peace! Which one of us is will to give the "terrorist" our shirts also or turn the other cheek?

Real Problems

2010-06-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine is a teacher in Texas. What she said about her students got me thinking. Here is what she had to report:
"Somehow, students who are hell-on-wheels during one period can be angelic and crazy-invested the next. It just shows you not to go by what you hear in advance. Somehow, sixth-graders can go from baby elementary-school babies to flat-out teenagers with teenager issues. My little Paige, sweet round-faced helpful Paige, said to me in the sweetest little elementary school voice, "Me and my sisters, we bad." When I asked her to explain, she said, "the boys are afraid of us because we like to fight. We beat them with belts." I can't imagine her angry, not to mention violent. Still smiling so sweetly, still helping me set up for class, still a baby.
...
I finally get my first period class calmed down (literally chasing each other in circles around the room) and lined up at the door to lead them to second period. I can tell the hallway is louder than usual, but it's not until I open the door that I realize I really shouldn't have. A full-on brawl, surrounded with students packed in and screaming at the top of their lungs, is taking place two classrooms down, and students and teachers alike are pouring out of classrooms to take part in (or to try and break up) the action. My class squeezes out of the doorway around me and takes off toward it at a sprint. Two of my students in 2nd period, bless their hearts, were involved, but I didn't even know until later that day because they were absolute angels in class. That number was almost three, but apparently a fellow corps member (who came away from the action bleeding, fyi) didn't heed her plea that "my friend is pregnant, miss, I have to go fight for her!"
...
There is an impossible amount to do tonight, but somehow I remembered before it was too late that I'd promised (read: threatened) to call the home of one of my students in return for his behavior in first period today. Cheers for consistency. And it might have been a really productive conversation... except she was drunk.
...
And now my job is to transition from that conversation to finishing the five-plus hours of work left to do tonight... And so I shall."

Can we agree that our teachers are on the front lines, and our teachers should be paid better!

The Towel

2010-06-02T16:47:00.000-07:00

Still wet, grimy from eleven pairs of feet, a towel hangs in a corner alongside a wash basin. As usual.

Tonight, though, it is different. The towel was not hung there by the servant girl, but by the one they call Master, Teacher. The Master doing a servant's work for his followers? That's all wrong. Somehow, though, he makes it right.

For a few moments eleven pairs of eyes fix thoughtfully on the towel and the basin. But tonight of all nights there are more pressing matters.

Wait! is he saying wash one anther's feet? What if this little band takes him seriously? what if they actually imitate their self-appointed foot-washer?

Tomorrow, of course, morning-after realism will unmask the thought for the nonsense it is.

But tonight, in the glow of the moment, imagination rules. Could a servant's towel be the rumpled banner for a new way?

Not likely, people being what they are. but maybe, just maybe.

The Wisdom to Change

2010-05-09T21:47:00.000-07:00

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and thinking you will get something new. If there is one thing I have learned, it's that people are not happy. Rich and poor people are dying, and they know it. Unhappiness is not only from the fear of the end. Humans are not happy for lots of reasons. Most of all, I think, people are not happy because they stop growing, stop learning, and stop improving. If you agree people are not happy and agree it's because of some kind of lack of growth, my question is: what should we change in order to get different results? Clearly doing the same thing as those who have gone people us is insane! Well hold on a minute, who are the people who have gone before us? who are the people that are still not content? It's our parents. It's your school teacher. I don't think any of my teachers are happy anyways. Who should we be following? It's not the people who are telling us how to live apparently. I think we need to change something. I don't know what, just something. I'm not saying we should stop following the guiding of our elders. I don't think we should rebel like they did in the 60s. I mean, look where that got society. What I am saying is: we need to learn from those who have gone before us. However, we also need to learn from ourselves. The thing is, it makes a humble and wise person to see their own faults. Are we wise enough to step back and take a good look at ourselves? Are we humble enough to change ourselves? Once we as a society become both wise enough to see our faults and humble enough to change, then, and only then, can we ask these questions about what is wrong with our society. There are some good questions I'm asking myself right now. Questions like is social networking addictive, is the TV killing your inspiration, and how can I better the relationships in my life? I don't think I like the answer to any of those questions. It's going to take a lot of wisdom and humbling to see my faults and change for the better; however, it would be insane to think tomorrow will be better without facing my faults today.

If you have questions for comments please email me at michaelsilliman@gmail.com
Stay Strong
Michael Silliman

Stalemate

2010-05-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

There is a point where my thoughts come to an annoying stop. I think in explosions of thoughts that move faster than my mouth. I spend most my time trying to keep up with myself as my mind is jumping ahead. Today this run away mind change started when I turned off the TV and opened a book I had stopped half way though. I had to much going on about a month a go to finish Donald Miller's book. Today I picked it up. I found everything he was talking about fit with the thoughts I was playing with in my head. I love it when that happens. I love it when all the random thoughts come together and start forming something I could make someone else understand. As I started reading, I ran to the other room for a pen. Everything I read finished a thought I already had in my head. With the pen underlining away, I spent the next two hours talking to myself. I did not want to thoughts to stop this time. I believe I need to learn to control my own head. I called my best friend because he always helps me get things out. Still talking to myself, I watched 60 minutes on youtube on the same topic. I have not yet reached a happy ending, but I have not stopped looking either. I think today was a victory for me. I did not let the thought just pass by without learning it or understanding it. I guess I did not really win. I mean, I don't totally understand the huge topic of goals, happiness, and contentment yet. However, I did not lose today. I was able to keep the drowning gates of thoughts open. I think I have reached the point where I can pick this topic up again tomorrow and not lose anything.
I'm sure no one understands what I'm saying other than me. If you really want to know how I think, your going to have to talk with me in person.

2010-04-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

haha well I found it interesting what was said. It started when the one guy said he just wants to go deeper and everyone else almost said the same thing. They do this or that, but it's never enough. It seemed everyone was saying life is holding them back. some said "lack of passion" others said "my job" or whatever else. It all had the same meaning. Those people want to do something worth living for. Everyday life is not fulfilling their hearts desire. I was able to walk away from every day life and find meaning in mission work, but these people have not had that chance. It made me want to give it to them. Give them the chance to leave everything and just go. I wonder how many would really go. People my age don't have anything holding them back, but still a lot of people my age don't take the opportunity for freedom and meaning. Instead, they stay with what they know. I wonder if the older generation is different? Oh how powerful it would be if these people would do half of what they want. They truly want to change the world. I believe they could. Schooling and money are the things holding me back, but the older generation has both. I guess I want to rock the ship! They want someone to rock their ship. haha I don't think a lot of them would like a 20 year old telling them this. lol you asked what I thought, so there it is. It's hard not to be sad with the amount of tools that are just sitting and talking about what they want to do. I have a list of people. The list is under my bed. It's a list of all the people I know that I think would be willing to step out of their comfort zone to start real change. People that are just waiting for that opportunity. Someday I'm going to come back and give them an opportunity. That's what I dream about when I sleep. Well, while I'm awake too...

Growing

2010-04-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

I learned something today. Not like something out of a book. I learn something out of a book everyday. I mean, I learned something about myself. That's harder to do than it sounds. I had a break though so to speak. Relationships are always hard, but for me they are next to imposable sometimes. Like I have said before, my passion and deep thinking can overwhelm people sometime. Friends I care about are taken aback by my, to the heart, never ending flow of questions. After a good long talk like this today, I have started to learn how to change. Not that their is something wrong with the way I am. I would never give up my passion. I just don't want to hurt people. I want to learn how to reach people. I want to reach into people and pull out the best of them. I want to understand people.

"Fake it till ya Make it"

2010-04-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

It seems no one really has it together. Not many people know what's going on. College students I believe are faking their way throw their days more than anyone. Not many people know how to write a research paper or put the time in to write a paper worth being called a research paper. No, we put down ideas we already had, and we add a few ideas our teacher offered, and maybe we add a thought or two we picked up from a talk with a friend over coffee. After we put down some random thoughts we add some links that make the same points. Copy and Paste is our best friend. Grown ups have a job they do everyday. They therefore know what they are doing. It's easy to start believing I'm the loser who has no idea what I'm doing but really everyone else is just acting also. College students make good actors. Not that college does not teach us anything, for I'm learn a lot. I'm talking with a really good friend that goes to school in Seattle right now on IM who just said "I'm just getting by and going thru the motions". It's easy to not be passionate about life. I always say life has so much to offer but it's also the one thing that seems to hold us back. We (as in people) get stuck in one way of life or thinking. We do things just because it's where we are at. My biggest fear is to lose my passion. Without meaning and hope I will die. A human without purpose is like a wave in the sea. I feel like I'm failing in parts of my life, and I'm not heard by the people I care the most about. Helplessness in parts of my life eat away at my soul. My passion is the thing I cling to. People stop and hear what I have to say when I speak from my heart. Sometimes my heart pushes people away. Truth spoken in the wrong way hurts people. I hurt people. Most people hide their shortcomings, but I see mine. I know where I have gone wrong. I wonder what the long term effect of my life will have on people. I have seen people change. Some for the better and some not so much. I don't really know what I'm doing. I just fake it till I make it (whatever that means). I am who I am, and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I have power, and I take full responsibility. Please know that my heart is in the right place.

Stay Strong

Michael

VIOLENCE Hits Washington DC

2010-03-25T12:34:00.000-07:00

The votes are in. The bill for reform and change has past. Mr Obama sighed this bill after the House and Senate did their part. but, that's not the story here. In answering to this bill the right has called for violence! Members of our Congress have been been reporting violence in the forms of phone calls, smashed windows, and white powder over the last 24 hours. Sarah Palin posted a statement online today calling for the right side to "RELOAD". That happened to come right after a Congress man reported a gun shot at this house. If you know me, then you know I hate violence. I believe it is not a sigh of power, but a sigh of weakness. I call for this movement of violence to stand down! Surely this is not the "Christian party" right? Lets learn to fight for a cause with reasons and facts not with hate, lies, and violence. And yes, some people have to LEARN this.

Donald Miller

2010-03-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

I have been reading the newest book A Million Years in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. Mr Miller has been a role model for me. He tells stories that leave me thinking. This is the third book of his I have picked up. The first two did not even last a week. I could not put them down they were so good. I'm guessing I'll be done with this book this week sometime. I believe Donald Miller has something to offer you as well. His book Blue Like Jazz is a must read. Check it out.

Mike

Hello Blog

2010-03-13T23:25:00.000-08:00

Hello blog. It's been awhile. I have been oh so busy with school, so I have not had time for you. Please forgive meften. I will try to post more o. My grades from the classes I'm in right now may determine the rest of my life. I did not take the SAT test, so I have to get enough credits to transfer out of Peninsula College. I'm hoping to start at Simpson U in the fall. Before they can except me, I have to have a full years worth of school in. In one week I will have my first year of college done, so if I keep my grades up I should be getting a call from Simpson within the month. Now that, would be a dream come true. All of that is just my way of saying: the last few weeks have been important and that is why I have not had time for you dear blog. On top of needing to do really good in school, I have started working out like a mad man. Like I told you before, I have a chance to play college basketball. This time, I'm not going to let the dream of being a college athlete pass me by.

Your
Michael Silliman

I told you so

2010-02-21T23:49:00.000-08:00

In a moment of honor, I stood in front of those I had worked so hard to please for four years of my life. I would get up at 5am to walk to the gym in the summer. I would stay up after dark in my driveway trying to get better. Coaches never showed me how to play, so I was my own teacher. However, I still wanted to please them. I wanted to prove to them I could play this game at a higher level. Anyways, there I was standing at the end of my high school basketball moments. I was the only player in my grade (year of 08). I stood there with a picture of a highlight news paper picture in my hands my coach had just given me. Then my coach of only one year said "Michael has been grate for this program, but he can't play at the next level. His years of playing this game our over............." I think you get the idea. I put away the thoughts I had of that coach in the back of my head as I traveled the world and came back to go to my first year of college a Peninsula College. Now two years later, I have just been offered a college athletic basketball scholarship at Simpson U. Never tell a kid he does not have what it takes.

Alone

2010-02-14T13:50:00.000-08:00

A gray old women sat in the back of my church this morning. Today is valentines day. She was alone in an all pink outfit. The pink didn't help hide her sad face. She sad three seats away from myself. I was sitting with a beautiful family to my right and the sad old women in pink to my right. The pastor said "This being Valentines Day, everyone turn around and show your love by saying hello to someone this morning." As I (a six and a half foot tall man) looked at this cute lady, her eyes looked into mine. She said "Hello" and reached for a hand shake. Hand shakes are over rated so I slipped past her hand and bent down to give this women a hung. Her frown turned right side up with a "You are the sweetest little thing."

That's What I Thought

2010-02-14T00:23:00.000-08:00

A wise man once told me "People have a foundation of things they believe to be true. The way they look at everything is in the view point of their past." Funny thing was that wise man spent his life teaching young people what to believe. I called him a pastor but no one else did. He didn't really like the part; however, he fit that role in my life. People view things out of their own understanding. makes sense to me. People tell me I'm tall, but maybe all the people they hang with are short? Most my friends, when I do something really nice, tell me God loves me. Maybe I think, God feels different about the terrorist they seem to hate than. Somehow they, my friends, know how God feels. A women tonight told me God is calling me to go work for Young Life. First I want to know how she knows it's God? and why should I believe this total stranger? "Right after she answer that I'll ask her why God never told me that" I thought. The nice female stranger never got past the first question. I wish she had tho. Is it faith people have or just lack of brains? As far as I care, don't say anything else you know why your saying it and don't just think I'm going to believe it because you think it's from a God. Young Life would not be so bad I guess. I even kind of like that idea. I just don't like vain people putting the word God all over the place. I think there is a commandment that say not to use Gods name in vain in the bible. Which after all, is where she got her believes of hearing "Gods calling on my life" right? of late, I have been thinking. What is the theses statement of the bible? If people stopped going to church, they would view things differently. How much power do wise men and pastors have over their followers? If those same people just stayed home and opened their bible and looked at Matthew or Proverbs how would the way they live change? What if they just looked at the red words. Would being gay mean your going to hell if you just looked at the red words in "the holy book"? I have been reading the red words. I have been trying to live by what they tell me. I think the problems come when people look away from Jesus. They start to drown when they look away.

Pursuit of Happiness?

2010-02-08T23:33:00.000-08:00

Four Revolutionary Words.

It's a small phrase when you think about it: "the pursuit of happiness." It's somewhat over-shadowed in the Declaration of Independence by the weightier notions of "life" and "liberty." In today's mass culture, it even comes close to being banal. Who, after all, doesn't want to pursue happiness? But in its own day, the statement was perhaps the most radical political statement ever delivered. And when we try and fathom why it is that the United States still elicits such extreme hatred in some parts of the world, this phrase is as good a place to start as any.

Take the first part: pursuit. What America is based on is not the achievement of some goal, the capture of some trophy, or the triumph of success. It's about the process of seeking something. It's about incompletion, dissatisfaction, striving, imperfection. In the late eighteenth century, this was a statement in itself. In the Europe of the preceding centuries, armies had gone to war, human beings had been burned at stakes, monarchs had been dethroned, and countries torn apart because imperfection wasn't enough. From the Reformation to the Inquisition, religious fanatics had demanded that the state enforce holiness, truth and virtue. Those who resisted were exterminated. Moreover, the power and status of rulers derived from their own perfection. Kings and queens had artists portray them as demi-gods. Dissenters were not merely trouble-makers, they were direct threats to the perfect order of the modern state. This was a political order in which everything had to be perfectly arranged - even down to the internal thoughts of individual consciences.

Enter the Americans. Suddenly the eternal, stable order of divine right and church authority was replaced by something far more elusive, difficult, even intangible. Out of stability came the idea of pursuit. To an older way of thinking, the very idea is heretical. The pursuit of what? Where? By whom? Who authorized this? By whose permission are you off on some crazy venture of your own? Think of how contemporary Islamic fundamentalists must think of this. For them, the spiritual and intellectual life is not about pursuit; it's about submission. It's not about inquiry into the unknown. It's about struggle for the will of Allah. Since the result of this struggle is literally the difference between heaven and hell, there can be no doubt about what its content is, or the duty of everyone to engage in it. And since doubt can lead to error, and error can lead to damnation, it is also important that everyone within the community adhere to the same struggle - and extend the struggle in a fight against unbelievers.

Today, we find this religious extremism alien. But it was not alien to the American founders. The European Christians of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries were not so different in their obsessiveness and intolerance from many Islamic fundamentalists today. And against that fundamentalist requirement for uniformity, the Founders of a completely new society countered with the notion of a random, chaotic, cacophonous pursuit of any number of different goals. No political authority would be able to lay down for all citizens what was necessary for salvation, or even for a good life. Citizens would have to figure out the meaning of their own lives, and search for that meaning until the day they died. There would be no certainty; no surety even of a destination. Pursuit was everything. And pursuit was understood as something close to adventure.

And then comes the even more radical part. The point of this pursuit was happiness! Again, this seems almost banal to modern ears. But it was far from banal in the eighteenth century and it is far from banal when interpreted by the radical mullahs of political Islam. Here's the difference. Before the triumph of American democracy, governments and states and most philosophers viewed happiness as incidental to something else. For Christians, happiness was only achieved if you were truly virtuous. Happiness was the spiritual calm that followed an act of charity; the satisfied exhaustion after a day caring for others. For Aristotle, happiness was simply impossible without virtue. Happiness was an incidental experience while pursuing what was good and true. The idea of pursuing happiness for its own sake would have struck Aristotle as simple hedonism. The happiness someone feels drinking a cold beer on a hot day or bungee-jumping off a bridge was not a happiness he recognized. And for almost every pre-American society, other goals clearly had precedence over the subjective sense of well-being. Remember Cromwell's England? Or Robespierre's France? Or Stalin's Russia? They weren't exactly pleasure-fests. Again, in radical Islam today, American notions of happiness - choice, indulgence, whimsy, humor, leisure, art - always have to be subjected to moral inspection. Do these activities conform to religious law? Do they encourage or discourage virtuous behavior, without which happiness is impossible and meaningless? These are the questions human beings have always historically asked of the phenomenon we call happiness.

Not so in America. Here, happiness is an end in itself. Its content is up to each of us. Some may believe, as American Muslims or Christians do, that happiness is still indeed only possible when allied to virtue. But just as importantly, others may not. And the important thing is that the government of the United States takes no profound interest in how any of these people define their own happiness. All that matters is that no-one is coerced into a form of happiness he hasn't chosen for himself - by others or by the state. Think of this for a moment. What America means is that no-one can forcibly impose a form of happiness on anyone else - even if it means that some people are going to hell in a hand basket. Yes, there have been many exceptions to this over the years - and America has often seen religious revivals, spasms of cultural puritanism, cultural censorship, and so on. But the government has been barred from the deepest form of censorship - the appropriation of any single religion under the auspices of the state. You can call this all sorts of things. In my book, it's as good a definition of freedom as any. But to others - countless others - it seems a callous indifference to the fate of others' souls, even blasphemy and degeneracy. This view is held by some Christian fundamentalists at home. And it is surely held by Islamic Fundamentalists abroad. We ignore this view at our peril.

There are, of course, many reasons why America evokes hostility across the globe. There are foreign policies; there are historical failings. There is resentment of American wealth and power. There is fear of the social dislocation inherent in globalization. But there is also something far deeper. What we have forgotten is how anomalous America is in the history of the world. Most other countries have acquired identity and culture through ancient inheritance, tribal loyalty, or religious homogeneity. Even a country very like the United States, Britain, still has a monarchy and an established church. If you told the average Brit that his government was designed to help him pursue "happiness," he'd laugh. Other developed countries, like Germany, have succumbed to the notion of race as a purifying and unifying element. Many others, like Pakistan or India, cling to a common religious identity to generate a modicum of political unity. In none of these countries is "happiness" even a political concept. And in none of these places is the pursuit of something in and of itself an admirable goal, let alone at the center of the meaning of the state and Constitution.

And when the society which has pioneered this corrosively exhilarating idea of happiness becomes the most powerful and wealthy country on earth, then the risks of backlash increase exponentially. In the late eighteenth century Europeans could scoff at banal American encomiums to happiness as an amusing experiment doomed to failure. At the beginning of the twenty-first century, with the products of such happiness - from McDonalds to Starbucks to MTV - saturating the globe, foreigners can afford no such condescension. Happiness is coming to them - and moral, theological certainty is departing. In response to this, they can go forward and nervously integrate - as countries like China, South Korea, and Russia are attempting. Or they can go back, far, far back to a world which where such notions of happiness were as alien as visitors from outer space.

Far, far back is where some in the Middle East now want to go. The roots of Islamic fundamentalism go back centuries and bypass many more recent, and more open, strains of Islam. And we are foolish if we do not see the internal logic of this move. The fundamentalist Muslims are not crazy. They see that other cultures are slowly adapting to the meme of the pursuit of happiness - from Shanghai to Moscow, from Bombay to Buenos Aires. They see that they are next in line. But they also see that such a change would deeply alter their religion and its place in society. So they resist. They know that simply accommodating piece-meal to slow change will doom them. So they are pulling a radical move - a step far back into the past, allied with a militarist frenzy and rampant xenophobia to buttress it. This move is the belated response of an ancient religious impulse to the most radical statement of the Enlightenment, which is why it is indeed of such world-historical importance. As I write I have no idea as to the conclusion of this new drama in world history - except that it will have ramifications as large and as lasting as the end of the Cold War.

What power four little words still have. And what carnage they must still endure to survive.

2010-02-04T23:21:00.000-08:00

I kind of have a need
I wish to be alone
to have no one agree
society i have outgrow

a life well spent?
yeah you have it all together
life just a torment?
what happened to leaving it at the alter

worship spoon-fed
handed down from who knows where
how to live with only bread
we have forgotten how to share

a life well spent?
yeah you have it all together
life just a torment?
what happened to leaving it at the alter

faith out of place
your out of line
brains you replace
logic and reason far from mind

a life well spent?
yeah you have it all together
life just a torment?
what happened to leaving it at the alter

is there not a point?
I'm done living a lie
when is your breaking point?
is it agree or goodbye?

I'm real and have to say what I believe.

2010-01-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

It is the churches job to tent to this earth. The ecological crisis cannot be resolved by politics. It cannot be solved by science or technology. It is a crisis caused by culture and character, and a deep change in personal consciousness is needed. Your fundamental attitudes toward the earth has become twisted. You have made only brutal contact with Nature, you cannot comprehend its grace. You must change. Have few desires and simple pleasures. Honor nonhuman life. Control yourself, become more authentic. Live lightly upon the earth and treat it with respect. Redefine the word progress and dismiss the managers and masters. Grow inwardly and with knowledge become truly wiser. Make connections. Think differently, behave differently. For this is essentially a moral issue we face and moral decisions must be made.

In the name of what is right and pure

Michael Silliman

I know why I get up in the morning

2010-01-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

It's funny how all things work together. If learning about business or doing some reading for my English class, I'm finding all subjects link together in some way. In anthology I learn not how different cultures around the world are but more how much we really are all alike. Ethics, morals, and faith can be found in every corner of the glob. Right before I go to Anth. class, I read short stories out of my English book that talk about ethics and morals of our society. While coaching a sixth grade basketball team, I find I'm teaching the same thing as I was teaching in Sunday school the week before. Learning about music (which I never really have cared about. totally lame and not cool I know) helps me understand the world in which I live. In Biology (which I find boring) I learned why my back hurts the way it does. It's amazing to me how we as people do not understand the things that we face everyday. The more I read and the more I sit in class and try to learn from old sad men I start to understand the reasons for who I am and what I do. You get up in the morning and go to bed at night; however, you don't know why. We as humans are different from other beings in this world; however, I never understand how. Learning leads to understanding of things I did not know needed to be understood. I have fallen in love with school.

Cake

2010-01-17T18:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.
"Yuck" says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! "

God works the same way.. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you.. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

Poetry

2010-01-14T16:16:00.000-08:00

Poetry is an awareness of experience expressed through meaning, sound, and rhythmic language choices so as to awaken an emotional response. After reading the first line of this poem, the language choice gave me an idea of what kind of writing it was.
This poem brings back memories of my past. I once loved writing poems, Love expressing myself, loved panting with words. I never was good at writing, but that never mattered. When sad, when angry, and when free I would write. Sometimes I still go back, to look at my writings of old. This poem is one of a kind. The form it’s in and feels it expresses are nothing like my history of poetry. That is the beauty of poems. Not two poems are alike; because, no two feeling are alike. A page of writing just “comes out” of me when feelings and passions are unlocked from within. Some think differences stand in the way of writing. Maybe the color of skin or past one has walked will get in the way of truly finding truth. Such fears have no place in writing. Poetry is just thought. Writing is a flow of words from the mind like a dream is just thoughts out of our control. There is no such thing as a wrong dream, and a poem cannot be wrong. I identify with the writers point of America. However, the whole world is like that. We as people are what we see, and we become like those around us. Everyone I talk to, everyone I see, and everyone near me changes who I am. All people affect the way I think and act. Brothers, sister, pastor, teacher, friend, and enemy all change something.

The Other Side

2010-01-01T01:32:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. As I think back to the start of last decade I feel the need to speak out for a different side of Christianity. In 2000 we saw a lot of people make fools out themselves by living in fear of government take over and computer failure. In this new decade yet again more and more people are living in fear. Conservative Christians have been at the head of this fear driving life styles. I hear about tea party's and gun rights as if they are one with our religion. Gun rights and keeping the government small may have been the point of the forming of this state; however, gun rights and the USA's government is not found anywhere in my bible. Moreover living in fear is not the point of Christ coming. I'm a follower of the teachings of Jesus and I have a hard time using words like Christian now. I find that sad. How as the bible become such a tool for men to take it to fight for such things as run rights. Jesus would have very little to do with politics in the stories of the bible yet his cross is put all over the conservatives issues. The Jesus I'm following stood up in the face of fear and told his followers to put down their swords. "He whom lives by the sword dies by the sword" Yet in the face of fear from terrorist it's the conservative Christians who are the first to call it war. Obama has been called weak in the last few days by Christians for not speaking out harshly to Yemen after a bomb was found on a flight into America while I read Proverbs that say be slow to anger. If you have your political point of view that's fine. If you are for gun rights then back it up with reason not the bible. The bible is not to be used as a tool to help you fight for your American dream. David was a man after Gods own heart not red hot Sarah Pailin with her guns and negative words. My God is a God of love, joy, and peace. therefore Gods people should be loving to all, should be joyful always, and should be fighting for peace. Obama has been seeking a nuclear weapon free world. Does that not match fighting for peace? Matthew 5:9 says "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." ..... Matthew also took down these words from our Christ ³⁸"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. ³⁹But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. ⁴⁰And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. ⁴¹If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. ⁴²Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." I don't see where Jesus says you have the right self-defense." That's the Jesus you follow and you're for everyone owning guns? "Do not resist an evil person" could Jesus have been any more clear? yet you're still fighting for the right to defend yourself. Again I find this sad. The glory goes to the Father in heaven when we do not fight with hate and weapons of this world. Jesus said "pick up your cross and follow me" that means to death. As true followers of Jesus we are not in this life for our own gain or for the American dream. There is a reason for your life far grater than your life its self. Dieing is not the thing we are fighting but more the point to life to start with. Join me in letting go of all fears for life is not worth worrying about. The end times and any harm that may be done to these bodies or ours are not for us to worry about. Fear is not going to get us anywhere. Let us live for the grater good of Gods kingdom, the kingdom of love, joy and peace. Those are the things we should be longing to die for. For those who are not Christians I hope you can see that those who are fighting for gun rights and living in fear have missed the point of our religion. Our God called himself Love!

May true peace be with you this new year.

Michael

P.S. for those to disagree with me I would like to hear how the bible helps you believe in self defense.

2009-12-30T12:56:00.000-08:00

This is my picture of the year. This little boy has AIDS and may have died by now. I fell in love with him in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, the beginning of 2009.

With tears in my eyes.

Michael Silliman

2009 in Retrospect

2009-12-24T00:05:00.000-08:00

2009 in Retrospect

-Start the year in Phnom Penh Cambodia.
-spend the next two months teaching and working with aids orphans all around Cambodia.
-Travel back to Hawaii for a week after two days in Taiwan.
-Go back home to restart my life.
-Travel to NY for the start of a month out East.
-Travel down to GA to be there for Dan and Beth's wedding.
-Take my time moving back North to see the sights.
-Come back to Sequim, WA.
-Start working nights at WalMart.
-Sarah (friend of 5 years) comes home from school.
-Get my own house with a roommate (Jake)
-Play in two three on three basketball tournaments (one of which being the biggest three on three basketball tournament in the world)
-Get ready for college=Laptop, car, books, 3000 in the bank.
-Start dating Sarah
-Speak at a mission camp, at three churches, and at a youth group.
-Start teaching Sunday School
-Drive to California to take Sarah back to school.
-Check out Redding and Simpson University
-Fall in love with a church in redding (The Stirring)
-Mess my back up working.
-Find out I got a full ride for the first year of college.
-Start college.
-Quiet my job.
-Go to Portland for a weekend
-Get a 3.3 in first part of school.
-Join city basketball team
-Take train down to Redding to see Sarah and Simpson again.
-Find out my school in Hawaii is worth college credits at Simpson.
-Come back to Sequim for Christmas break.
-End the year house sitting and hanging out with Sarah.

I think this has been the best year of my life. I have been around the world, and I have seen life changing sights. I started dating the woman of my dreams. I almost have my first year of college out of the way. More than all of that I have found purpose in life, and I have found a practical application of my faith to better myself and the world. Indeed it has been a good year.

California

2009-12-13T22:09:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in a college dorm room in California, right now. I have not gotten any sleep over the last two days. It took me over 18 hours to get here after leaving at 8 o-clock Saturday morning. I'm here for a week checking out Simpson University which is where I'm hoping to go after Peninsula College. Tonight I went to a church I have been following closely called The Stirring http://www.thestirring.org/ I went and talked to the pastor and I'm hoping to have a meeting with him this week. Tomorrow I have a meeting with the head of enrollment at Simpson and a tour of this beautiful University. Simpson is giving me six free meals and two free nights stay. After these two nights, I will pay a little for a dorm room for the rest of the week. My girlfriend is living here, so I'm having a lot of good time seeing her. She goes to Simpson and The Stirring as well. Here, there is a group of young people on the same page as myself. I long for such a place as this!

Stay Strong

Michael

The lack of need

2009-12-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

Hart times for me can be summed into small differences between my life and society. I grew up in a humble home. We did not have nice car's or big TV's. I'm the son of a very down to earth father. Looking good or being cool was not apart of my childhood. This life style I left behind in high school as I searched for glory and friends. Basketball started out as nothing more than a sport or workout but soon turned into my identity as a person. As I got better at ball my head got bigger also. I would play basketball up to 7 hours in any given day, and if someone made fun of my skills (which in looking back were small) it hurt as if a knife to the heart. I had put my soul into something that was weak and could not last. Putting my identity in sports was due to a lack of identity elsewhere, and I understand that now. I was searching for an uplifting word or prays. When my last year of high school came around and I found myself with a bad knee and a even worse basketball team. I knew something had to change. The world I had built around me was over; therefor, my identity was gone. For the longest time I felt lost and alone. I tried finding friends in the party life but soon found that was a life of relative reality also. Again I found myself lost and alone. As I have grown from each one of my attempts to find purpose and meaning the understanding of something much different has started to form in my mind. This is an age old fight man has had. I worked with the homeless for some time in Hawaii, and there I saw humans trying so hard to make themselves feel better about their life's. They would hang onto anything they could show off. Old men with their bible's, young man and their athletic bod's, women trying so hard to look their best. All of humanity is trying to show off in one way or another. I was the worse of these self seekers. I have learned a lot this last year about myself. I have seen a glimmer of the person I want to be. That person is far away from this world of need and want. This time of year how selfish people are is shown everywhere. Thinking about Christmas lists and black Friday makes me sick. Everyone wants more stuff. They believe society will love them if only they get the new I phone. I want to know who says people loving me is the point anyways? I have been having a hard time with feeling alone these last three months. I had a standard of a life full with people and now they are gone. I hear guys talking about how rude kids are these days and how kids think everything is someones fault. To this mindset I would say look at your own life. Are you not full of pride yourself? Where do these children get these selfish ideas? I'm now searching for ways to leave this mindset of identity far behind me. This is much harder to do than say. Everywhere I turn I see things that society is saying I need to have. I don't think I will ever know if I need something or not until I do without. So how do I go about losing everything? Followers of Jesus say the words "die to self" all the time believing by doing so they will gain everlasting life. However, not often do I see them give anything up. I'm not looking for everlasting life nor life to the fullest here in the world. I want to better understand the things that make our society go. I want freedom from what the world around me says I need. I hope to find truth for myself. The last three months have made me sick! I have seen so many so called good people living only for themselves. These men of the cloth care nothing about the world nor the poor only themselves. They seek new life but are still unwilling to leave the old one. I am coming back to where I started. A humble home will be more than I need. Glory and fan I have none but a heart full of love and compassion I offer to you. Amen.

Stay Strong and hold nothing back.

Michael Silliman

School

2009-12-07T18:06:00.000-08:00

This is finals week for me! I have proven to myself that I can to this college thing. I'm just not to sure my teachers agree yet, just kidding. I wanted to find some time to put some of my life online before running full speed into this last week of school. My head is high and my hopes are even higher. As of now I have two As and one B. That can change a lot over this next week of finals. So school is coming along as planned. The rest of this school year is planned out. I will not have the 45 credits I was hoping for due to being behind in math. Not really a big deal it just means I will spend one of my summers taking an online class or two. I can't do that this upcoming summer because I will be traveling hopefully to South America and I will be going to Spain for sure. I'm hoping for a summer full of missions and traveling. After finals this week I'm taking the train down to California to see Sarah and check out the school of my dreams in Redding. I'm right where I want to be in my life. Everything is almost going as planned. It only gets harder from here out I guess. School is not a sprint but a long up hill climb. If all goes well I'm in for the longest four years of my life. I'm hoping for some of my dads work ethic right about now! So pray I do not get bored with this long hard path I have in front of me now.

Bill Cosby

2009-11-30T10:33:00.000-08:00

Most of you have probably already read this at one time or another, but if you haven’t, Bill Cosby hits the nail on the head,,,,,,

'They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English.

I can't even talk the way these people talk:

Why you ain't,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be...

And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.

And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.

In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.

These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.

$500 sneakers for what?

And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.

Where were you when he was 2?

Where were you when he was 12?

Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol?

And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?

People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something?

Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?

What part of Africa did this come from??

We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa ......

I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid.

I was born here, and so were my parents and grandparents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don't have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany, Scotland, England, Ireland, or the Netherlands. The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa. So stop, already! ! !

With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap ..... and all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.

We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.

We have millionaire football players who cannot read.

We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.

We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer.'

Thanksgiving Week

2009-11-29T21:20:00.000-08:00

A weird week for me comes to a end. This page of my life is different from anything I have had to deal with before. Thanksgiving made me really understand who I have become. My relationship with my family has changed. I'm grown up now, and I don't feel at home with my family anymore. Though I love my family so much, it's just not the same these days. I know my older brother and sister are reading this with a smile and thinking little mike is growing up (maybe not the little part). I feel in-between being apart of my dads family and finding my own. I know your all thinking "well of course you're 20" but this idea came out of no where for me. I never really got how big of a deal family was. Now that I don't have a family here I feel amazingly alone. I can't get over how silly I sound right now writing this. For thanksgiving I went over to dads place for a few hours and played some games will the little guys, and then I left to go eat my thanksgiving dinner with my girlfriends family. I guess just being out of the house has given me a much different roll in my family's life than I saw coming. It's not a bad thing. I left for Hawaii, over a year ago, and my family was so far away and I had a group of friends who in some way took the place, so I did not have this alone feeling. So with all that going on in my head, it made for a weird week. I spent the whole time trying to fit in and totally failed. More and more I feel at home with Sarah's (my girlfriends) family. So that was really nice of them to invite me to dinner. Again this weird page of life for me is not a bad thing. I believe people have to learn how to be alone before relationships will ever work. So this time can be hard but I'm keeping my head up and trying to learn from it.

I hope you all had an amazing thanksgiving! I would love to hear all about it.

Stay Strong

Michael Silliman

A weekend away

2009-11-22T23:00:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone.
Just feel like saying hi really fast.
I have had a busy last week. School is going alright and everything is coming along in the life of michael. Friday after school I took off for a short weekend in Portland, OR, with my sister. In the last two days I have been all over that city. My weekend was filled full of many things from the biggest book store in the world to playing random games of spoons with soccer player (who are three games away from winning the NCAA championship). I really like the city of Portland, and I had forgot how much I miss it. I totally get along with my sister! We care about the same things, so we could just sit there reading things out of the New York Times and reading a prayers together. I really needed to get away from this town for a day or two so this worked out awesome. So thank you Val

Stay strong and GO PILOTS

Mike

Something To Think About.

2009-11-16T23:24:00.000-08:00

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday �Morning �Commentary.

My confession:�

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. �And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. �I don't feel threatened. �I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.�

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. �I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. �In fact, I kind of like it.��It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . �If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.�

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. �I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period.. �I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. �I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.�

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? �I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. �But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.�

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: �This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.�

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina).. �Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. �She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. �And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. �How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'�

In light of recent events.... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. �I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. �Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. �The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. �And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). �We said an expert should know what he's talking about. �And we said okay.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. �I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'�
�
�Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. �Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. �Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. �Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.�
�
Are you laughing yet?�

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.�

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.�

Pass it on if you think it has merit.�
��
�If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did. �But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. �

�

My Best Regards, �Honestly and respectfully,�

Ben Stein��

Church Life

2009-10-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Many friends and family have been asking me what my walk with God/church life looks like, now that I'm back from mission work. Which is a really good question that takes more then a few words to answer, and defiantly hard to sum up in passing. Life back here in the US makes personal standers of daily bible reading and prayer a lot harder to live up to; however, my walk with God has been really strong. Starting with my home life, here at my new house. My roommate does not agree with me on most things, but we constantly have long talks about our realign point of views. Which is the one thing I really wanted in this first year of college. I think I'm walking in the perfect plan of God's will for my life. Which means God is leading me in my walk back to school and life here in the good old U.S.A. therefore I don't feel as if I have left the mission work at all. It only has taken on a new form, as I continue to better myself. We don't just walk the path of God's good plan when we are in some form of ministry, but everyday we go to work or school. It's like that old saying "it's about who you are the six days you are not in church that matter" in the same way life outside of ministry has not changed so much, and just because I'm back here in the states does not mean I have given up my life of traveling and helping the least of these. I have been involved in two churches here in Washington, and I'm learning a lot from another church in Redding California from their online podcasts. I'm teaching Sunday school at one of these churches here, and getting involved with an outreach program to Spain, yes Spain. I am becoming an intern of a teaching youth in north Spain program. This program will be sending me to Spain next summer with the hopes to build relationships. So I have been totally blessed! I can go to school, travel, work with youth, and grow in every way myself all at the same time. The only passion of mine that has been put on hold is the dream of playing college basketball. The coach here at my school did offer me a spot on the team; however, I turned it down due to my health condition. I will be playing basketball for a city team here tho which will be a lot of fun, and should give me a chance to get a lot better. So the man wearing number 15 will still be his old self playing, and out working everyone in the gym. A friend told me last week that I have everything going for me more and I should be thankful. With that I totally agree I have been blessed, but this life did not just fall in my lap. I have spend the last two years working my way up with two or even three jobs; nevertheless, I have been blessed, and my hard work in all areas of my life have started to pay off. So I thank God for my life, friends, and finances. My belief point of view is the ruling factor in how I live today, and for the rest of my life.

Stay strong all

Michael Silliman

In Loving Memory

2009-10-13T20:14:00.000-07:00

In Loving Memory

Because of a man named Mike, I try to live every day to its fullest. It was December 19, 2004, and I was only fourteen years old at the time. I had never seen him before that day; however, later I found out his name was Mike and he was 57 years old. He was taking a long walk down a path, on a cold Sunday morning. I just happened to be standing outside of a small church along that same path, taking in the beautiful clear air. Someone on the path saw Mike fall, and yelled for help. I heard a yell, and thinking I had a chance to be a hero I started to run. I found him limp and face down, and fear shot down to my toes as my heart started to race. I was there within minutes of a small heart attack. I turned his body over on it’s back, just in time to see his eyes full of life for the last time. I held Him as the blood turned cold and the eyes rolled back into the head. Soon I heard the siren of the ambulance, but it felt like a lifetime before help arrived. Medics picked up the body and put it in a car, then drove away lights flashing. After a night with no sleep I got a call from a man who said he was from the fire station. He filled me in on the details about the man with the heart attack, saying I was the last person to see him alive. After that day I will never think about life the same. Before that I was just surviving, living one day at a time. Ever since that cold Sunday morning I have been trying to be, and dreaming about becoming a world changer. The fireman told me there was nothing I could have done for Mike; nevertheless I started to cry as the thoughts ran in my head “if I only was a little faster getting there” or “if I only knew C.P.R.” The feelings that I failed that day have never gone away, and I’m still trying to be a hero to this day. I traveled to a poor country which is called Cambodia. While I was there I helped those who are starving and have no hope for tomorrow by building schools and showing them how to clean their water. I worked for the Boys and Girls Club for a year because I have committed my life to helping the next generation. I’m now getting my degree in social work, for the dream of being a world changer still lives. After I saw this life come to an end so suddenly I realized our time on this earth really is short, and I want to make the most of it. As for me I need purpose in this life; therefore, I will spend my life searching for meaning, and helping make this world a better place. Because of Mike, I will live every day to its fullest.

The Last Of Summer

2009-09-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

Big news in my life this week. As many of you know I have set a goal for my life. The first step being college. Dreams are free and school is not. So until a week ago my dream of school was still far out. I was planning on working full time this first year while going to Peninsula College right here in Port Angeles. My budget looking something like $600 a week to live on. All this changed overnight because of something I did over 7 months ago, Back when I first got back from Cambodia I got online and looked up Financial Aid for ten different schools here in Washington. Guys my age are not known for planning their life's even a half of a year ahead. However with some awesome talks from my sister I put in the work before I got a job, and even before I had a car, or my laptop. I was so ready to get started on my big plans I walked over to my brothers house had some coffee with his wife and got online (because my Dad's Internet sucks) and started looking up schools and googled "where to start" then after finding schools I would like to start at I got a ride over to my best friends house (Andrew) and filled out all the paper work for Financial Aid. Tho my hopes were high I did not plan on ever seeing anything for my hard work. After a long summer of working nights paying for my car, laptop, books, and a house, I saved over $2,000 ready to take on my big dream and the even bigger fear "school!" all of this worry came to a happy ending last week when I got a letter in the mail starting like this "Your financial aid award" my eyes ran over the words looking for the numbers which they found with my mind going crazy and heart in my feet, and at last I found the answer to my dream of school. The numbers turned into words in my head just YES that's all I saw as my eyes filled with water. I now have a scholarship which will pay for everything and then some me a full-ride. I found myself saying "forgive me God for my little faith" these are not just my plans. I never would have guessed I would get a scholarship. I had no faith in myself. I'm a home schooler who did not learn how to read till high school. I can not even start to make you understand how much fear has been in my life, fear that someone would find out that I'm a fake. I have been faking it most of my life. Now all that has been taken away. People somewhere now have taken that load off of me. I have so many people to thank that I can never get to all of you. I will show my thanks the same way I always have by working a little bit harder. I have a calling on my life that I set for myself to be a would changer! This is just the next step down the road I have picked. May my God be with me Amen.

Stay Strong and keep dreaming.

Michael Silliman

The End Of My Summer

2009-09-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

Here we are again at the end of summer. A year ago I was about to leave for Hawaii with out looking back, now I'm about to start school, and yes I'm looking back. How could I not miss last school year, living out of my bag on the road, something new everyday. I was meant to live like that. This page of my life is really good however not near as much fun. So these last three weeks of summer before school start I'm going to do as much as I can. Tomorrow I'm leaving for California. Driving down to Redding with Sarah and flying back next week. Next weekend I want to go down to Portland to see a old friend and maybe swing by and see my sister. I can't wait for school to start. I'm taking three classes this first quarter. I have been working as much as I can to pay for this school year. My church family has helped me out a little. So as of now it looks like I can make it this first year with going into debt. Which is a really big deal coming from my family. I have a little life all set up here with my house and roommate, job and school. I don't need anything more. I'm getting really close to my roomy Jack. I'm talking to him on skype right now. I just got a new laptop for school so I'm spending a lot of time online. Which should mean I start blogging more but we will see. well I have to be off now. tomorrow is a big day, full of driving. I wish you all the best in the world. Feel free to Email me I would love to meet for coffee or something.

Stay Strong.

Michael Silliman

summer 2009

2009-07-25T23:10:00.001-07:00

Wow this year has gone fast. It's now half way into this year. It's been a busy six months for me. I'm working two jobs and that makes time go by fast. I just got my own house with a guy named jack. He is totally not like me but turns out he is a good roomy. It's a cute little two bed room house right outside of Sequim. 15 minuets from my college come fall and 5 minuets from my first job the Seauim Wal-Mart. I have the mind set that this is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm trying to make the most of every day. I miss my family but get to see my brother Josh sometimes and the little boys from time to time. Dave is just as busy as me so I don't see much of him. I see Dad almost everyday but only talk about work really. I'm dating a girl by the name of Sarah. I have been friends with hear for about 5 years. being with her has made this summer really fun. All I really do is work sleep and hang out with Sarah. this summer I find to be one of the best times of my life. Every morning I get off work and I thank God for my life, and drive home to start a new day. This is who I have become. I have picked a path for my life and for the first time what believe makes me a happy person. This summer has been about making myself a better person one step at a time and $1 at a time. Fall is coming and I face school with a lot of fear, a big smile, and a summer worth of savings.

Stay Strong.

Mike

Smiling

2009-05-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

As a new page of my life starts my mind games have not stopped. Thinking is one of the things in this world that has no end. This new page of life starts with my job, A hard job at that. I work nights now. from ten PM to six AM. Working hard hours with a lot of coworkers from all walks of life gives me even more to think about. At lunch last night I was sitting taking everything in, and something came to mind from a talk I had with my brother the day before. I started to think of all the people there with me. Here is what I did, take a room of people and think about them then come up with who you would most want to be. I'll bet you pick the person that smiles the most! That's what I did. which really made me think for the rest of the night. It's so old and over said I feel lame even thinking about it. You know the saying "life is short" that's all I could think about last night. See after I had picked the guy I would want to be I went and thanked him for smiling. do you know what he said? He said "I have to man, life is to short"! now there was this other guy in that same room who at the end of every night says "one less die before I die" and then goes home to sleep so he can do the same thing the next day. Both of these men have the same understanding that life is short. But I picked the man with the smile. His name is Bill and he is my new best friend because last night he changed my out look on life. Yes I want to be like Bill! You will never hear of Bill again, not many people ever do. He works nights at a small Wal-Mart taking out the trash, and then he goes home to his wife. He does not need a reason in his mind for bill is happy with life.

Stay Strong, and keep smiling!

Mike

just a HI

2009-05-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. Sorry I have not been on much of late. I can not get online much these days. That is till I get my laptop. Once I get my laptop I will get on here a lot more.

I have been doing really good. I'm working two jobs and house sitting right now. I'm planning to start college full time in the fall.

I have been doing a lot of thinking these days. I don't like where my faith has come. Nothing has changed as of yet but I am searching! I guess I just don't like where the church has come. And that feeling is just making me think.

I will go into all this more next time. I don't have time today I'm going to play basketball at the College right now.

mike

update

2009-04-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone

I can not get online much these days do to not having Internet at my house. I'm baby sitting right now so I just wanted to get on and let you all know whats up with mike. I have been back in Washington for two weeks as of today. A hard two weeks because of some family stuff and there is not much to keep me busy here in Sequim. I have been working for my yard care business again which has been making me more money then I'm spending these days. I have been looking for work and I just landed a job working night at Wal Mart. A job that pays about 10 a hour and will keep me busy I hope. I thinking about starting a prayer meeting with some guys here in town. I will be going to school here for the next two years so I can at last start something. I should get state aid for school so I will have all the money I need. which will be nice for a change. I have not had money for myself in over a year. so I can't wait to spend time doing things I love. I have been in this state for almost the last 10 years but still have not seem much of anything. so at last I have the money and the time to get out there and have some fun. I plan to start surfing a lot along with my other sports. So I'm taking a lot of time for myself right now. I really feel called to a different page of my life which starts now. Be praying for me, I have a lot of passions and plans that may be meant for this time of my life. There is a lot of people that need something more, need a God or a better way of life everywhere you go, even Sequim. I hope and pray I can help some of these people I meet and see everyday. Everyone we find in the bible had a waiting time before they started their work. these next years are my waiting time. Today I grow tomorrow I start my work. This is my mind set right now. As I dream of changing the world be praying for me if you will, pray that Gods timing will be shown to me.

stay strong friends

Mike Silliman

Home Sweet Home?

2009-04-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

I really hope home will be sweet. Has of right now I'm not really sure why I'm going home. All I do know is I am going tomorrow morning. All my plans for the next year I could do no matter where I am in the States. Last night I got to meet a guy by the name of Joe who came right out and asked me why I did not just move here. He is going to a school that I could go to and should have a house soon so I could room with him. Washington is not really home for me anymore. I feel like I'm going back there to make my home. Tho now that I think about it I could do that anywhere. So why Washington? Well why anywhere really? I have been looking for my place in this life. But for some reason I have not found anywhere that really calls my name. Maybe I should take another trip? I have family in Sequim and my best friend is there so what else do I need right. I guess that's what I'm really asking, What is it I need? I feel like I'm missing something, I know there is more out there then this. I could make any place my home and be happy there. This is the kind of stuff that's been going on in mind

I got to work this last week. The guy I'm living with does drywall and asked me to help him out. So that was something new I got to learn this week. That's what life is really about right? just learning and seeing new things.

I'm trying to read my Bible more. Every morning I want to spend time by myself thinking and praying, which is a lot harder to do on the road for some reason. I want to spend more time reading other books too. I just got done with Wind At Heart which was good but much longer then it needed to be. My brother Daniel gave me the book I'm on now called The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I'm not sure how I like it yet.

Thats all for now. I'm off to spend my last day in Cortland NY. I love you all

Stay Strong.

Mike

The End Is Coming

2009-03-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

I have like 4 more days before I go back to Washington. I don't know how I feel about going home yet. Last time I went home it was really weird because I could not get a job really because I was only going to be there for a month. I fly home Thursday morning and still don't know who is even picking me up. Everywhere else I go I know what it's going to look like. I have everything planned out before I get there. But now I'm going home and I don't know what it will look like. Will I live at home? I want to move out with my best friend Andrew but I'm not sure if that will work or not yet. After a long time on the road you forget what living a every day life looks like. I have never just worked one job and lived for the now. Everything I have done in the past was working for a better tomorrow. Now I'm going home to live one day at a time there. that's what I do on the road not at home. So all I can do is wait and see.

My brother is moving away 10 days after I get back home. So I will spend as much time as I can with him. I'm going to miss him. If there is one thing I want to better it's be with my brothers more. I have been thinking a lot about this stuff. When I was Josh's age I was dealing with a lot and no one seemed to care. I wish I could be different for my brothers. Is it to late?

Here at the Rhinehart house in up state NY everyone is getting sick. Emily Rhinehart I have spend the most time with but she is sick and in bed today so I don't know what I'm going to do today. We did not go to church this morning. so today is just like my day off I guess.

I have been trying to keep up with the NCAA basketball tourney but being on the road I have not kept up with it. I really liked Memphis when I saw them play so I had them to win it to start but now that they lost I'm going for Louisville. I was really glad to see Gonzaga made it as far as they did but then North Carolina had to win. I hate North Carolina so much. I have a bet going with my friend Sarah that they will not win.

Thats all for today.
Stay strong

Mike

Good Bye D.C.

2009-03-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

After a 20 hour bus ride from Georgia I made it to Washington DC. Getting there at 8 in the morning with almost no sleep the night before. I spent all that day going from one place to the next seeing everything I could. My friend Sara who lives right out side of D.C. showed me the city. Then after a full day of sight seeing I went with some guys to a pro basketball game, the Bulls were in town and I have never seen them play so.... I just had to go. even tho I did not know the guys a went with it was awesome. As soon as the game was over I went back to Sara's place and spend the night there. 8 hours of sleep before I got up this morning at 8 and yet again hit the road. I'm now in NJ. So I guess you can say I'm all over the place this week, well month really. Life is awesome right now. I'm like a rock star just without the band. I get to see my friend Michele tomorrow in NY city. I can't wait to see her. Her and Sara both were in my DTS in Hawaii and Sara went with me to Cambodia. It's so weird to see these people in real life. They have not changed at all but the setting is so different. I'll be home in 9 days now. I don't know what that will look like but after this trip I feel like I can take on anything. and more then that I want to. I want to go to school after this year of taking trips I want to go to school, I know why I want to, and I'll do what it takes. doing stuff just because you don't know what else to do is one thing but seeing something and then living your life to make tomorrow better or different or anything is totally better. I have seen first hand the way this world is and now I have made up my mind to spend my life to make tomorrow better. If I had not seen I would have not made up my mind. Which mean I would be lost, or trying to feel like a rock star in a bad place like so many people I have seen. I'm going to stop there for today.

stay strong. and go do something you have never done.

Michael Silliman

Georgia

2009-03-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

Well this year off school and seeing the world seems to be working. I'm doing just that. I'm now in Atlanta with my brother, his soon to be wife, and my older sister. The wedding is this weekend. So I have been trying to help them as much as I can. This morning I put together some gifts for get wedding and I just got back from picking up a car for my brother Dave to have while he is here. Dave gets into Georgia tonight sometime. If there is anyone I miss from Sequim WA it would be Dave and his wife. I have been getting into some good talks with my brother Dan. Which has been really good. He left Washington before I was even a teen. So I never really got to know him. Tho I'm sure if I had he would have totally changed by now. College, woman, work, and living over seas does that to people. Time is something none of us totally understand or have any power over. You can not stop change no matter how hard you try, even when trying to stop it within yourself. Going home for a month was weird. I did not fit back in there. Which has left me feeling some what lost. Up state NY was much like what my life looked like growing up. The family I was staying with home schools and goes to a home church, much like my past. Deep down inside somewhere I started thinking "this is what home looks like?" But I know I can never go back to who I was. I will never be joyful there. I see where I have been in the past and I understand it's not where I want to be today. I want something better and something different. I think this is the starting point every growing person must come to. We need to learn from are past and find something better. This trip out East is about a lot of things but more then anything it's about me looking for something deep inside myself. I'm looking for the answer to a question I don't know. I don't know if I'll find the answer but I will learn a million other thing along the way. The best learning comes when your living and I'm living to the fullest right now. I'm getting on a bus and going to Washington DC next Sunday. Just because I can. Life has so much to offer and I'm not going to let it be the thing to hold me back. Money only has as much power over you as you give it. Life is a runway and your sitting on the side. I have been waiting like a good boy in line and now it's my turn to play my hand. Good things can be bad if used in the wrong way. Like going to school maybe the best thing out there for people my age. But if the point of it is to only get a good job or get away from a home life then it's not going to work. Because what your really looking for is something much bigger then your mind can understand. As for me I have lived the last 4 years thinking I had a calling on my life. Well I'm still not sure what that even means but it's been a really good mind set to have because it got me looking for a chance to play my hand or run a race down life's runway. I may or may not have a calling from a higher power I will let you think about that. The point is it got me to take a jump of faith into the unknown. Most people my age will never take the first step. There is so much more out there! It is up to you and you alone to find it. I don't know where your at today maybe it's on the side of the road and everything seems to be passing you by, maybe your still waiting, not sure what a race even looks like? I'm sure you hear it all the time "life is short" "It's not about the money" Everyone says things like that. But how many people live like there is no tomorrow? The Bible says "don't let the sun go down while you are angry" Why do you think it says something like that? I think because tomorrow may hold the unknown for you and the things your angry at. I hope and pray my life will help someone take one more step of faith down whatever road you are looking.

stay strong.

Michael Silliman

On The Road Again

2009-03-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

After being home for one month I'm off on my next trip. This time I'm staying in the good old USA. I'm in up state NY right now and will be going down south to see my family on Monday. I'm really bessed to have the chance to do so much stuff all over this world. Yeah I had to take a year off school to do it but in the end this year has been the best year of my life, by far! I was looking of a away to get out of the Little world I have known for some time now. I will never forget how hard I had to work, how many friends I lost, and how long I had to fight. But in the end it was so worth it! Seeing the world and new things is the best schooling you can ever get. And I have seen more new things in these last 7 months then most people will in a life time. So here I am living the life. The wind in my face and the road of the unknown as my next step. I do not know where my God is taking me. All I do know is I'm young and I have fallen in love with dreaming of something better. I have a hope that something so much better is out the for us all. I have to go now. I love you all

Stay strong

Mike

Home?

2009-02-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

Home sweet home. I'm back here in Washington at last. I'm not sure if any of you will be checking this anymore but I plan to keep up with it for myself. Feel free to comment, or email me about anything at all I would love to hear from you. So now I'm back home looking up my old friends and saving for my next step. Life has taken me on so many different roads and now I'm back where it all started on Dec. 19th 2004. Now life is not just going to come to me. In this new page of my life I get to make up my own plan. I have a saying "if your not doing anything then your becoming nothing" My plan is to do something, but what? this I don't know yet. I have a lot of doors opening up for me all over the world and I'm still looking for more. If you have anything you think may be good for me then call me as soon as you can 360-461-7888 I would be more then willing to hear you out. Everywhere you go in life as a young man people ask you to come back. For the most part I say thank you for asking and move on, on others I have to think and pray about it. I have a chance coming up this summer to do something I have been dreaming about for a year. Will it work out? I don't know yet. A lot of praying and thinking over the next two month I hope will tell. All I really know about my next step is I want to go to school in the fall. Until then I'm not really sure I just know I'm doing something. All I know is I plan to move out of my Dads house again and I have a lot of dreams of seeing/helping this world. So it's all up in the air. So just because I'm back in Washington don't stop dreaming for me. A lot of new stuff that I don't know how to deal with is still coming my way. Now that I'm back at my so called home I'm working a little and I'll be taking some trips to see what I can of the states. This does not feel like my home any more. I don't think this is where God wants me to be. So I'm looking and I have no plans of stopping. I don't care if I find what I want or not really. I'm just looking. Along the way I know I will see and learn new things. Life is not about the end point it's about what you do on the path getting there.

stay strong friends

your
Michael Silliman

A View From My Out Look

2009-02-09T15:18:00.000-08:00

I once saw a movie, a real story of four people going to the moon. These people got to fly to a side of the moon we can not see from earth. Even tho they were going where no man had gone before in their reports none of them talked about what they had seen way out there. No all four of them turned back to where they had come from. They spend all their time talking about a view point they got from so far away. This out look on earth from way up there totally changed their understandings of life. Tho I have not gone to the moon or anything, I understand that movie now. I feel like I could spend forever telling you about stuff I saw so far away from home. But what I would really want to talk to everyone about is the view point I just got from so far away. As I got to fly over the time line, and into four different country's I started thinking not about what I had just seen but about my home land. As I was thinking I looked down on earth. What I saw in this world makes me sad. I looked down and saw lines, not lines made by water, earth, and sky but lines made by mankind. Lines by believes, religions, legalism, governments, terrorists, greed, corruption, injustice, and communism. As I see the world for what it is I think of how far we have come from where we were meant to be. As I read more and more I believe that all man are created equal. Why is it some have money and some do not? some are given the key to a better life and some are not? Some are born into a life of hope and others don't know the meaning of that word. If your like me and think all people are created by their Creator with certain rights then I have something to ask you. What is it the free world must do to raise up a standard for that truth? and what can I do in my short life to ensure all honest people are given the rights meant for all humans to have? As I fly back to my home land in the states I'm thinking about the words so over used "God bless America" I think if you pray for something you should be willing to be part of the answer. So lets stop and look for the answer to that prayer. Are Gods blessings with in reach? I would say God has blessed us. I'm so glad to be back in this land of freedom. So why is it God has blessed us and not other people? what is it our forefathers stood on that made this a good place to come home to? What can we do to keep those same blessings coming to America and the rest of this world? I think we can learn from George Washington when he said " Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair" Theodore Roosevelt said "This is a new nation, based on a mighty continent of boundless possibilities" Our possibilities are still boundless to this day. Yes it is time we learn from those who have gone before us. Let us thank God for the blessings His teachings have given this nation. Lets learn from a forefathers and take those same blessings into the world today.

Stay Strong. We hold the keys to the blessings of our God

Michael Silliman

Hawaii Again

2009-02-08T14:42:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. After 3 days of sleeping and meetings I'm feeling a little better. I'm just taking one day at a time right now. It's been really good to see all my old friends from the schooling part of my DTS. I went to Church this morning and they asked me to get up and say a little something about my trip which was good. I guess this is what my life will look like for some time. Everyone has a lot to ask and want to hear all about my trips. I have been living on the move for so long I forget what everyday life looks like. How does someone go from being apart of a movement of young people who call themselves Youth With A Mission to a job and USA life. I'm in Hawaii for this week which I feel well help me make the change back to Washington. I'm doing a lot of thinking as I come back to the states and the land of freedom. All my life I have heard people say "God bless the USA" I would like to know why people say that? After seeing a little bit of this big world I would say God has blessed the USA. So I would like to know why? Why has God blessed this land? What is it about the states bast that offers such human worth? These are the kind of things that come mind now. I never stop reading now. only in books can I start to find the answers to such things in the depth of my mind. Learning things is good but learning how to learn is even better. Only by learning of to think can we unlock new ways of thinking and find new ways to bring hopes to this world. Thanks for all your prayers as I make my way home after such a trip as this. feel free to Email me I would love to hear from you.

stay strong everyone. I don't think I can put up another blog till I get home on the 11th. feel free to call me as well my phone is back on now.

Michael Silliman

Coming Home

2009-01-31T19:42:00.000-08:00

Well I'm back in the city now and still living. It's hard to think about what I just did. It kind of feels like a dream. I have spent the last 2 months living on the move. Everything has happend so fast, I don't feel like I'm thinking right. I have seen so much! Life will never be the same after seeing the pain of the real world. But what has really changed me is not the sorrow and hurt of this world, It's what I have seen starting to come out of this dark world that has rocked my world. I have seen first hand hope in it's most real form. In these last two weeks I have seen religion at it's best! and hear me, that is someting to see. It hurt getting to where I could see God moving in a people. I had to do some stuff and live in some places that put me on the end of my rope. The only food I have had for two weeks is rice, and I have been sleeping in a barn. (much like the one Jesus was born in just with out the inn next door) People living with out running water is not only something of the past most people in this world still live like that. I have been living with that kind of people that don't know what things like internet are. I feel like I just walked back in time. But now that I have gone to a place so far away from the world we have made for ourselves I found something far better then running water and internet. I saw a people happy with what they have in Jesus but still making life better every minute for the next generation. The same barn I would sleep in would turn into a church three times a week. Children from the village would come just wanting to learn more about this God of hope they have found. I had the chance to teach these happy kids everyday. I did not have to come up with a speach or something to teach. They would come to class with a list of things to ask me. Every morning the pastor of this School/Church would take me out into the farm land where these people grow their way of life RICE. I would work out there in the morning helping people do something they have been doing all their live. It was hard busy work but after two weeks of it I was bored and was glad to be done with such a job. While I was out there working I got to meet a women who was 65 years out (most women only live to 61 in Cambodia) This women from the age of 9 years old has been going over a river at 5 am to start a days work in this farm land and does not come back will after 6 at night. My 2 weeks of hard work seem so small to the life of this women. She has known only this. She has seen 30 years of war and 26% of her Cambodia people die. A story like this makes me stop and think. Again I ask what is the point to life? This women grows rice and eats rice thats all she has known! This women understands something far past my small mind. Life worth does not come from what we do. Our goly and self worth is from God and is for God. Humanity is created equal and will forever be so. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endoued by their Creator wiht certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" the Declaration of Independence. These rights we all are born with go far past my understanding. I seen to think that if someone is good or has hope of being better then that life is worth something. This mind set is young I know but it's been a really bad out look I have had on my own life. What I find awesome about the freedom of the west is that it comes from the Bible and teachings of the religien of the apostles/followers of Jesus.

I'll be home in ten days.
stay strong Church, the world is in our hands

ps maybe more tomorrow

Michael Silliman